Keeping
Boundaries at the Holidays
The Holidays are approaching as fast as a child opening a
present from Santa. But just because the Season is approaching us quickly,
doesn’t mean that your decision making needs to follow the same pace. One of
the worst decisions we can make over the Holiday Season is to blur the
boundaries that took us all year long to set.
Sometimes, the Holiday Cheer makes us all warm and fuzzy
inside. And, soon after the “Cheer” and Egg Nog seeps into our veins we realize
that Aunt Mary, Negative Nancy and our Ex-Boyfriend were not as bad as we made
them out to be. We worked all year to set boundaries, take a step back, and say
“No” to their endless commands, but now, the Holiday Cheer has somehow changed
our perceptions about them.
Reality check, the reason that these people don’t seem so
bad anymore is because you used your hard earned energy to set boundaries with
them for the past 10 months. Life is better when you set boundaries with the
takers or the people who suck you dry.
By setting boundaries with people who are toxic for you, you
have freed up time. This extra time and energy allows you to give more to your
priorities and passions, like your spouse, children, work, leisure activities, and,
oh yeah, you, too.
Below are some common choices we make over the Holiday Season
to blur boundaries:
1.
Throw Unnecessary
Parties
Throwing parties just because you’re
“supposed to” wastes time, money and can quickly turn you into the family
“doormat.” With the limited time you already have, you may find yourself pulled
in all directions as you become stressed out planning, shopping and cooking.
The
Fix
Throwing a party always sounds fun in the
beginning. But slow your Holiday Pace down and really take the time to review
what will go into throwing this event. This year, go to Holiday Parties. You
don’t have to host a party. You don’t
have to plan. You don’t have to shop or cook. Plus, you can
leave whenever you want and there is no clean up. Keep your priorities straight
and your boundaries in line.
Guilt
Alert: If you really feel guilty about not hosting a party or cooking, go
to an event and bring something. And remember, it doesn’t have to be home cooked. Pick up a nice dish from your local
supermarket.
2.
Throwing
A Holiday Party and Inviting the Wrong People
So, maybe you have decided that you want to
throw a Holiday Party this year. You have the time and the money, and you are
excited about the process. Your excitement may quickly spiral if you invite the
wrong people. Inviting toxic people like the Ex-Boyfriend, Negative Nancy and
Aunt Mary might end up dropping your mood, sucking your energy reservoir dry,
and may skew boundaries that last for days or months beyond the party.
The
Fix
If you are throwing a party, hold the
invite! This is YOUR party. And, sure you can cry if you want to, but why cry?
This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. Instead of dreading
this Holiday Season, make it a truly Cheerful one. If you have set boundaries
with certain people and think that inviting them to your party would skew those
boundaries, don’t invite them. These people use you or treat you like a doormat
10 months per year, step away from feeling guilty about not inviting them to one
party.
Guilt
Alert: If you feel really bad for
not inviting a certain someone, send them a Holiday Card or even leave them a
small present on their desk.
3.
Going Overboard
with Gifts
Society has a great way of pressuring us to
make the Holidays bigger and bigger each year. Society is also great at making
us feel guilty if we don’t conform to this gift giving craze. Everyone is
throwing out the words “the season of giving” but sometimes this feels like the
season of everyone “taking.”
The
Fix
There is nothing “Cheerful” about starting
out 2015 in debt all because you bought gifts for long lost Uncles and the boss
you can’t stand. This year, list out your priorities in life. Then, note the
people that come up on that list. These are the people that deserve something
special from you. And, if you can’t afford to get these people a gift, take
your time to create something for
them. Check out online sites to help you get some inspiration for fun and
practical holiday gifts you can make.
Last, this Holiday Season, realize that you don’t have to participate in all the Secret Santa’s.
Guilt
Alert: If you really feel the need to give this season but don’t want to
give to people who are undeserving, create a list of charities or Universities
that you would like to give to, and donate your time or money to them. Also,
take a moment to reflect back on the year and who really helped you, encouraged
you or mentored you. Send over some Cheer to these people. These are the people
you want in your life today, and in 2015.
4.
Stop
Exercising
We often find ourselves with a ton
of excuses to stop working out during the Holidays. Have you ever said “it’s
too cold out,” “I’m too busy shopping, planning or cooking,” “I ‘ll get back in
the routine in January” or “I won’t eat seconds at Thanksgiving?” Whatever the reasons is, we find an
opportunity to not go exercise.
The
Fix
Don’t stop exercising. Now, more
than anytime during the year, your body needs you. Chances are, your eating is about
to change. Your body isn’t going to be used to the extra sugars, carbs and fat.
Plus, there is added stress for a variety of reasons. Your body needs a
release. This Holiday Season don’t forget about you and your body in the midst
of providing for others. If it’s too
cold outside, exercise in your home (you can download an app on your phone or
pop in a DVD) or, just get gym. Find a way to make exercise happen. Exercise
will help release your stress, keep you fit, and boost your mood.
Guilt
Alert: If you feel guilty exercising because you “have” so many other
things to do, acknowledge the reality that staying healthy and positive makes
the people who you spend most of your time with, and who you care most about,
happier and more fulfilled.
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