Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Tools To Make Your Self-Talk More Positive

As seen on positivitydaily.com

Tools To Make Your Self-Talk More Positive

 

Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening. Lisa M Hayes
 
 

 

Who came with up with the slogan sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? They must have been a tree. Words hurt. In fact, sometimes words are more painful than sticks and stones. Words become more painful than sticks and stones when the hurtful words about us, come from us. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but negative self-talk will destroy you. Below are the Top 3 Tools for better Self-Talk.

 

#1: Rid of the “Have To,” “Must” and “Should” Talk.

Those things that “have to get done” are part of a sabotaging mind habit we created for ourselves. The reality is, a lot of what we do does not “have to” get done, or, if it does, it doesn’t “have to” happen right then and there.  Using words like “have,” “must,” “should” and “ought” are words that fill us with guilt and anxiety. Women despise feeling guilty, thus to avoid feelings of guilt, we satisfy the “haves” in our lives before we satisfy ourselves.

Women often do not deem themselves as a “have” or “must” in their own lives, thus everything else is worked on and fulfilled, except them. Despite popular belief, laundry does not HAVE to get done on the weekends. Weekend is a compound word. Week-end. Your week has ended. Use this time to walk away from the “should” and “haves” in your life, and do the things that you really would like to do in Life, like all those things you “missed out on” or “wished you could do.”

 

#2: Stop Telling Yourself Everything Has to be Perfect.

Perfection is subjective. That is why you should never try to be perfect for anyone or anything. If you spend your life trying to be perfect for someone else, you may find you are never perfect, for you.

Thinking that you have to be perfect at anything in life is not only a barrier to your goals and Life fulfillment, but you have directly set yourself up for failure. Don’t spend your life trying to be something that doesn’t exist. By striving for perfection, your mind and body will go one of two ways:

1.      Back down altogether. Your mind and body are smart. If you set a goal for something that is not attainable (such as trying to be perfect) why even try? Your mind and body won’t waste its time and energy trying to strive for something that is unachievable. So, the mind finds excuses and the body will support that.

2.       You will attempt your goals with perfection in mind, and then fail (because perfection does not exist). This pattern of attempting and failing lowers our self-esteem and sometimes our desire to set goals at all.

Instead of perfectionism, work toward self-actualization. Self-actualization means to develop your full potential. You are always in the mind-set of growing and developing yourself.  It is through striving for self-actualization that you will find Life, Mind and Body fulfillment.
 

 

#3: Recognize Life is Not Only Black and White

I get it, you don’t have time. Neither do I. But the reality is, we are both thinking in black and white right now. Working out doesn’t mean 60 minutes or 0; all or nothing. Working out to a ten minute app on your phone in the middle of the kitchen is still some form of exercise. It counts.

We often get stuck on thinking and doing things the same way for so long, that we forget there are so many other ways to make decisions or succeed. If you think you exhausted every possibility, you’re wrong. When you think differently, you open more doors for opportunity, doors you can’t even fathom right now because you just don’t know they even exist. Talk yourself out of the black and white, and into the shades of grey.


 

Monday, May 19, 2014

5 Ways to Detox from Negativity

As seen on Maria Shriver's Website http://mariashriver.com/blog/2014/05/5-ways-to-detox-your-negative-thoughts-dr-jaime-kulaga/
 
5 Ways to Detox from Negativity

We hear about detoxing the body from toxins. When people detox, they work hard to remove impurities from the blood and liver. While we often hear about the pros of physical detoxes, we also need to understand the importance of mental detoxes. The body and mind work in harmony. No matter how “clean” your physical body is, if your mind is filled with toxins, you will still feel unclean, unclear, and unhappy.

Here are 5 Tips on Detoxing the Negativity from your Mind:

Rid of the Toxic People

Rid of the things or people that bring you down. Toxic people consist of the bi-polars (these people take you up and down. I love you, I hate you), the criers, the takers, the down-right mean people, the users, the bull-shitters, the gossipers, and the passive aggressives. Take control of your happiness by not allowing others to steer your emotions up and down, or steal them altogether. If you can’t completely rid of the negative people, you can definitely set boundaries to minimize your interactions with them. Saying GoodBye means Hello to Happiness.
 

 

Clear Out the Grudges with a Dose of Forgiveness

When you hold grudges, possess anger or find yourself always looking backwards, it is hard to see what is so positive in this life. The great thing about forgiveness is you don’t have to feel it, you just do it. And, you are doing it for you, not the other person. If you are angry with someone, your attention and energy is given to them, not you. You can’t control your past, and that can be upsetting sometimes. But you can control your present and future, and you can drive yourself right up to happiness.   
 

Add Some Positive Thoughts

The more positive thoughts you think on a daily basis, the more grateful you will be for what you have and the more effective you will be in handling the stressors in your life. Instead of finding the negative in what appears to be a tough situation, reframe it to something more positive and handle it. Start your day off with a positive inspiration. Whether you have a small motivational book or an app on your phone, start your mind off on the right foot.
 

Purge the Perfection

Perfection induces guilt because your brain is telling you all these things you “should” and “must” do or be, and when you find yourself not doing or being all of those things, you are riddled with guilt and a sense of failure. You can always try to be better at something and improve, but you will never be perfect. Once you accept that, you free up a lot of stress and negative energy and you can actually focus on the things that you can do.
 

Flush out the Rumination

Rumination is that thinking we have where we spend hours going over the same thing, again and again. When we face stressors, our brain immediately has memories of when we were in similar situations. The issue with women is that we tend to remember events of where we were wrong or where we messed up. We then spiral our brains down into this self-defeating, self-bashing event where we then “ruminate” for hours on what went wrong. This rumination of “things we have done bad,” becomes a pattern. Patterns get stronger and quicker over time.

To reduce stress, catch the negativity before you spending hours ruminating. When you begin to think poorly about yourself or decisions, try to find support for your faulty assumption, usually there is not support for self-defeating thoughts. Then, begin to reframe your negative thinking and challenge these thoughts. Don’t turn one bad decision into a lifetime of bad choices and do not think that one bad decision means that you are bad at “everything,” learn from it and march on.
 

 

 

 

 

Monday, May 12, 2014

PICK YOUR BATTLES


                                                                       PICK YOUR BATTLES

 
Do you ever find yourself trying to prove to someone that you are right? Isn’t it exhausting? It is more draining than either admitting that you were wrong, or, letting it go and letting them figure it out for themselves that in fact, you were right.

When you try to prove something again and again, it actually takes you off the path of your goal. This is because all the extra energy and time it takes to prove something, you are channeling toward another person and not your goal.

Example: If you and a spouse are trying to complete a task and you think it should be done one way and him/her the other, you don’t have to prove why your stance is better for hours on end. If the other person isn’t going to let up, then give up. Save the time. Let them do something their way, and if it works, well, it’s done. If it doesn’t, without saying a word, and without expending energy, you proved you were right. They know it.  Pick your battles. We often fight so many little unnecessary battles, that when we need to go up for a war we are either unprepared, or when it is time to enjoy something, we have expended so much energy we don’t enjoy it.
 

The more battles you choose to fight, you are actually only hurting yourself. If you pick a battle at work, then pick a battle at home, you have picked two battles to fight for the day. Were they both worth it? You were involved in both battles, are you sure you want to be a part of both? You risk being so bashed up physically and mentally by Friday, that you might ruin your own weekend.

The more battles we pick, the more poor choices we make. How many times have you let a spouse, co-worker or toxic person drive you so insane that you couldn’t even hit the gym? Work productively? Eat? Or when you did eat, you were so starving you ate whatever was in sight. These are not good practices to get in the habit of.

Picking battles, even if you think you win, you actually lose. Stop feeling like you have to prove yourself to people. Whether you are trying to prove something little or something big, just stop. If you are trying to get promoted, yes, I get it, you have to prove yourself. But, you also don’t have to shove things down people’s throats or complain to get it. Same goes for small things at home with the partner, kids or friends. Make an effort to not hurt others by trying to prove a point and in return you will find that you are less stressed and have more energy.
This week’s challenge: Walk away from all battles, big or small. Can you do it?
 

 
 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Be Grateful


                                                                               
                                                                            Be Grateful

I feel like I have written this same tip of the week, 12 times, and maybe I did, but it is just so important for you and me to understand and implement gratefulness into our lives. Gratefulness works, believe that.

In this world of go-go rush-rush, we often forget to stop and be grateful for what is around us. We are always chasing something bigger and better, and thus we forget what is sitting within arm’s reach of us. I am all for setting goals and doing better, but I also have learned that if you are always chasing the next best thing, you get really tired and consequently unfulfilled. Whatever point in life you are at right now, at one time, you were chasing to be or have that. So, stop and enjoy what you worked for.
 

Think about it like this, you are running .5 miles, and when you get to that goal line, you push yourself to the 1 mile marker. Then, at the one mile marker you push yourself to the 2 mile marker, then the 3, 4 and 5 mile marker. Now, you are at the 5 mile marker throwing up and half passed out and aren’t even coherent enough to enjoy that fact that you just ran 5 miles!

Luckily, for our physical selves, it is easy to stop running when we are tired. But in the mental realm, we forget to stop and maintain this habit to keep going, well past the 5 mile marker.

One day we are going to miss the kids saying “mom ,mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.” One day we will miss the simplicity of not having a management position. One day we will miss fighting with the spouse about little non-important things like the light bulb (health will be an issue one day, soon).
 

And, while one day having children that can do things for themselves is nice, and having that future management position will be financially wonderful, there is something awesome, amazing and fulfilling about what you have today. There is something to be grateful for in every day; even the darkest days.

Life gives you what you want. God, Karma, coincidence, the universe, whatever is true isn’t up for debate, the fact is, what you ask for, you get. There is a truth to “be careful what you wish for.” If you keep wishing for time to speed up, and you keep praying for the next big thing, you are going to get it. It seems all lovely now, but you don’t exactly know what your dreams and desires will become. Your idea isn’t exactly what always turns out.

And while things may turn out better than you could have ever imagined, don’t get in a pattern of chasing. Get in a pattern of goal setting, achieving and then enjoying. The journey and the enjoyment of receiving what we worked for, is what fulfills us.

This week’s challenge: Monday-Sunday this week, 5 times a day, stop for a couple seconds, and say/write three things you are grateful for that took place so far for that day.

This week- Enjoy what you have.
 

Airing Schedule for Daytime

 

My first National appearance is today on the nationally syndicated talk show Daytime! I am so excited. Many people were asking for the airing schedule for today, here it is:

Also airing on Dish TV ch 266, adding 14.5 million homes across the country  
 DMA
Broadcast TV Stations
State
Station 
Net. Affil.
Channel
Days
Air Time*
1
New York 
New York
WZME
RTV
43.2
M-F
12-1p
2
Los Angeles
California
KFLA
RTV
8.1
M-F
12-1p
3
Chicago 
Illinois
WPVN
RTV
24.4
M-F
12-1p
4
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WFMZ
RTV
69.4
M-F
12-1p
5
Dallas-Fort Worth
Texas
Local TV
MFT
99
M-F
11a-12p
5
Dallas-Fort Worth
Texas
KJJM
MFT
34
M-F
11a-12p
5
Dallas-Fort Worth
Texas
K31GL
RTV
31.4
M-F
12-1p
6
San Francisco-Oak-San Jose
California
KAXT
MFT
1.7
M-F
11a-12p
6
San Francisco-Oak-San Jose
California
KCNS
RTV
38.5
M-F
12-1p
7
Boston
Massaachusetts
WMFP
RTV
62.2
M-F
12-1p
8
Washington, DC (Hagerstown)
Virginia
TKMI 
MFT
44
M-F
11a-12p
9
Atlanta
Georgia
WATC 
MFT
57
M-F
11a-12p
9
Atlanta
Georgia
WKSY / AGTV
MFT
21
M-F
11a-12p
10
Houston
Texas
KUVN
RTV
34.2
M-F
12-1p
10
Houston
Texas
KUVM-LD
MFT
34.1
M-F
11a-12p
12
Seattle
Washington
KIRO
RTV
7.2
M-F
12-1p
13
Phoenix (Prescott)
Arizona
KPHE
MFT
44.4
M-F
11a-12p
14
Tampa-St. Pete (Sarasota)
Florida 
WFLA
NBC
8
M-F
10a-11a
14
Tampa-St. Pete (Sarasota)
Florida
WYKE
MFT
47
M-F
11a-12p
14
Tampa-St. Pete (Sarasota)
Florida
WTAM
MFT
30
M-F
11a-12p
16
Miami-Ft. Lauderdale
Florida
WEYW
RTV
19
M-F
12-1p
18
Cleveland-Akron
Ohio
WAOH
RTV
29
M-F
12-1p
19
Orlando-Daytona Bch-Melbourne
Florida
WTGL 
MFT
45
M-F
11a-12p
19
Orlando-Daytona Bch-Melbourne
Florida
WKMG
RTV
6.2
M-F
12-1p
20
Sacramento-Stkton-Modesto
California
KSAO-LD
MFT
49.2
M-F
11a-12p
21
St. Louis
Missouri
KTKL/WPXS
RTV
16.1/13.2
M-F
12-1p
22
Portland
Oregan
KWVT
RTV
27.2
M-F
12-1p
23
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
WBGN
RTV
16.3
M-F
12-1p
24
Raleigh-Durham
North Carolina
WNVN
MFT
20
M-F
11a-12p
25
Charlotte
North Carolina
WHKY
MFT
14
M-F
11a-12p
27
Indianapolis
Indiana
WSOT
MFT
57
M-F
11a-12p
29
Nashville
Tennessee
WRTN
RTV
6.2
M-F
12-1p
30
Hartford & New Haven
Connecticut
WRTN
RTV
48
M-F
12-1p
33
Salt Lake City
Utah
KVNV
MFT
3
M-F
11a-12p
33
Salt Lake City
Utah
KTMW
MFT
20
M-F
11a-12p
33
Salt Lake City
Utah
KCSG
MFT
14.2
M-F
11a-12p
33
Salt Lake City
Utah
K32JA / K12QR
MFT
 
M-F
11a-12p
34
Milwaukee
Wisconsin
WVCY 
MFT
30
M-F
11a-12p
35
Cincinnati
Ohio
WBQC
RTV
25.3
M-F
12-1p