Sunday, December 27, 2015

3 Ways to Rid of Toxic People in 2016

3 Ways to Rid of Toxic People in 2016

Have you ever felt like someone “got over on you?” Is there a person who mistakes your kindness for you being a doormat? Do you have someone in your life that “uses” you, takes advantage of you or plants seeds of doubt in your mind? That’s a toxic person.
Some of the biggest stressors we have in life come from toxic people. If you want to reduce stress in your life, if you want to actually obtain those dreams of yours, then rid of the toxic people.
If you have all these fabulous goals for 2016, but you have negative people surrounding you, don’t kid yourself about success. The truth is, negative people take you down. They are contagious and infectious and they will do all they can to suck your energy dry and instill self-doubt. As your confidence drops, they gain more of an upper hand and slowly take control from you.
The reality is, you can take control back and set yourself up for success. It might not be easy, it might not be fun at first, in fact, ridding of toxic people sometimes might be one of the most painful experiences for you, but it is necessary if you want to achieve your goals and live a more positive and fulfilling life.


Here are 3 ways to rid of the toxic people in your life:
1.      First, you have to reflect on who actually is sucking your energy dry or making you feel defeated. Pull out the old journal and write down all the people that you deem as toxic in your life. For a jump start as to what these people may look like, they are typically the people take you up and down (I love you, I hate you, I really love you, I really hate you), the whiners, the takers, the down-right mean people, the users, the bull-shitters, the gossipers, and the passive aggressives.

Once you have created this list, circle the ones you know you can get rid of completely and erase them like you hit the delete button on your computer. Cut them off. No more answering calls, no more social media, just get rid of the crap they put you through.

2.      Okay, so now you still have this list with a few names on it of people you can’t just simply cut out of your life altogether. Maybe it’s not realistic, not practical, or you really just don’t want to cut them off. I get it. Often the most people toxic people in our lives we can’t or don’t want to rid of. But that’s alright. Instead, we take control back by setting stronger boundaries.

Warning: As you set boundaries people are going to react to you differently and sometimes negatively; especially if they expect a certain behavior or action from you and you no longer solicit that. I always tell clients, the best way to change another person is to change yourself. You can’t change other people, but your change in reaction will alter them and their actions.

Here is what setting boundaries might look like:

·         Say no more frequently to requests from toxic people that hinder your day or hurt your progress. You don’t always have to say yes. You may be the official go-to person, but that stops today as you make a commitment to yourself that you are taking control over your life. When you say no, the payoff is in the end when you don’t have so much responsibility. Saying no shows confidence and self-control. However, if you want to engage in the request someone asked you to take on, but right now is not the time you can do it, speak up and say that. If that’s not good enough for them, then walk away. Clearly they are toxic.

·         Don’t be the initiator of conversation. If you don’t have to communicate with the person, don’t. But, this goes both ways. You can’t be dependent all the time either. You can’t just reach out to the toxic person when you need something. This will really blur a boundary that you put into place. Example: If you are working to rid of an ex and now you need their help because your car broke down, think twice before asking them for a ride. Find an alternative. And there are alternatives. Begin taking control back by acknowledging that you have options and alternatives.


·         Along the same lines, you don’t have to answer their call or email right away. You don’t have to jump for this person anymore. If you get a call, a text or an email, I encourage you to RRR or Retreat (walk away from the situation), Rethink (analyze what the deal is) and then React (now you act). Give yourself time to process the request and how this will wrap you up in toxicity if you respond, react impulsively or give in. Often toxic people suck us in because they back us into a corner and force an impulsive response out of us. This is how they gain control. No longer will that happen when you give yourself time to retreat and rethink BEFORE you react. 

3.      Don’t internalize their hate, negativity or meanness. If you have identified this person as toxic, and you even set boundaries with them, but you allow them to take up your mind, they are still in your life.

Ruminating and dwelling on negative people for any reason still brews up the poison in you and toxifies you. So many times we replay events and take their negativity to heart. But before you let them invade you and bring your confidence down, look at the source. Is this person credible, worthy of hurting you, do you really think that they have your best interest in mind? If not, let their meanness go.

Work to be aware of how much “mind time” you are giving this toxic person. The more awareness you have of the time they are using in your mind, the more likely you are to catch yourself in the act of ruminating and then, be able to cut it. They is no real quick fix to give about cutting negative thoughts, expect retrain your brain. You didn’t always think about this toxic person, you trained your mind and created a habit of this. It took time. Now, today, we begin to retrain your mind. Try redirecting these negative thoughts back to goodness. How are you better off without this person or toxicity in your life? Begin thinking about your weekend, good times with good friends, your desire to reach your 2016 goals, etc. Just get your mind away from negativity.

You may have to really work at this tip. The mind is powerful and easily can fall back into a habitual way of thinking as you go about your day on auto-pilot, but the mind is powerful both ways. If you want it to think or behave differently with effort and repetition your mind will create a new habit.

Some people say you are what you eat. I say, you are who you associate with. People are typically a combination of the top three to five people they associate with most. Take a moment to reflect on the people you spend most of your time with and reflect on whether or not these people are in line with your goals and direction. The New Year is moments away and you have the power and control to take your life back. Toxic people will waste your energy in 2016 and many of them will steer you off track of your goals at some point soon. And if they don’t steer you off track they will make your journey toward your goals tougher and more draining.

Today I challenge you to select the most toxic person off your list and begin taking control back.








Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

Monday, December 14, 2015

The Power of Visualizations

              The Power of Visualizations


Ninety percent of people who write down their goals reach them. But you can increase that 90% by adding to it, visualizations. Visualizations are powerful and I recommend visualizing when you set goals or set off your foot onto a new venture. You can use visualizations when working toward physical and abstract goals.  Visualizing means more than just seeing something, it is living the desire for a moment. It is smelling the desire, tasting it and feeling it. You are there, at the end result. Visualizing makes a dream more of a reality because it helps to shape your goal and create a plan of action. According to Marc David, “the way we imagine the body is a foundation for how it responds physiologically.”


As you become more self-aware of what is happening in your body as you visualize your goals, you have more control and influence over them as a whole. One of the most well-known sports and visualization studies ever done was by a group of Russian scientists. They took four groups of Olympic athletes and trained each group slightly different. One group only did physical training, whereas the second group did 75% training and the rest mental training. Group three trained on a 50/50 split and group four engaged in 25% physical training and 75% mental training. The group that trained physically the least but mentally the most, performed best.


In 1952 Florence Chadwick swam the Catalina Channel. The swim was 22 miles and she gave up at 21.5 miles! During an interview she stated that she no longer could see her goal line because of fog and gave up. In her second attempt, she used the power of visualization to see her finish line despite how cloudy the end appeared.


The nervous system struggles to tell the difference between a real and a vividly imagined experienced. Studies with cancer patients have shown full recovery when they used the power of their minds and visualizations to rid of the cancer. Whatever pain you are trying to rid of, whether it is a physical illness, hurt from a break up, or aching of the heart from a childhood trauma, I want you to imagine a little bug coming into your body and eating the pain up little by little. The bug goes around all day in your body and takes your pain away. Whatever it takes, no matter how far-fetched you think the visualization is, if it will heal you or help you to succeed, visualize it.


Eastern belief is that the power that made the body can heal the body. Although we are a Western culture, a lot of the mind, body, spirit concepts from the Eastern world will help you find peace and fulfillment in your Life. Being healthy is much more than being physically free of any illnesses. Visualizations connect you, motivate you, and commit you to the goal. The easier and more real you can make a goal appear to you the closer it will seem. Physically engaging in an activity can ride you to the finish line at times, but the reality is, the mind and body are integrated, so why not use the supreme power of both to help you succeed faster, stronger and more fulfilled? 
This week’s challenge: Visualize a goal you are striving for.






Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 



Monday, December 7, 2015

Binge Drinking Increases Over the Holiday Season

Binge Drinking Increases Over the Holiday Season


Christmas trees, holiday music, presents, feasts, family and, alcohol. Yes, that’s right, this is the season of alcohol. There are holiday parties, Cheer in the air, and toasts as The Ball Drops. But, as exciting as all this fun may sound, there is also a real danger in binge drinking, too. Binge drinking is consuming a lot of alcohol in a short amount of time. For men, binge drinking is having five or more alcoholic drinks within a two hour time frame, and for women it is four drinks in two hours.
As the holiday season progresses, the binge drinking increases. But why? Binge drinking increases at the holiday season due to the frequency of festivities, heightened stress from family, buying presents, and all the other responsibilities that this season brings.


Binge drinkers typically do not have alcohol dependency. They go about their day to day lives often without alcohol but rather they just “let loose” at festivities or parties. The problem with this scenario is that people who binge drink often overestimate their abilities. This increases chances of injuries like car accidents, violence, being a victim of sexual abuse, or engaging in behaviors that are unsafe, embarrassing or inappropriate leading to regret or loss when they sober up. And with so many parties this season, there are a lot more opportunities to misjudge situations.  In fact, the Center for Disease and Control has indicated that binge drinking is the cause of over 79,000 deaths each year. And, on a less drastic note, binge drinking increases your chances of engaging in embarrassing behaviors. Who wants to start the New Year feeling embarrassed at work, at home or with extended family and friends?  Start off the New Year on a motivated and uplifting foot and enjoy the holidays, just be sure to think before you binge.


Here are some tips on how to avoid binge drinking and have a safe holiday season if you choose to drink:

1.      Before you go to a holiday party, eat. Do not drink on an empty stomach.

2.      After each drink, drink a glass of water.

3.      Be sure to take your drink with you at all times.

4.      Pace yourself when drinking. You do not have to binge.

5.      Eat at a holiday party and be cautious of eating food that has alcohol in it.

6.      Have a designated driver if you plan to drink.

7.      Before you go to a holiday party set your limit up front and stick to it. In fact, try to always have an accountability partner with you- like friends or a family member. Tell your accountability partner that you plan to drink and that after 1 drink they need to take your keys, allow you to spend the night, or call you a cab.

8.      If you plan to drink at a holiday party and are going to the party alone, take a cab there, that way you can’t make the mistake of driving your car home that night.

9.      Remember, you do not have to attend every party you are invited to. If you don’t want to go, stay home.

10.  If you are going to a work related holiday celebration, beforehand think of the consequences of drinking and saying or doing something inappropriate. If it’s not worth the risk, limit yourself to 1 drink at work holiday parties.


Take the time to enjoy the holidays and your successes from all year. Ring in 2016 with fun, but also with responsibility and safety. For more tips visit me at www.DrJaimeK.com







Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

15 Minutes to Fierce has Launched!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

               Bestselling Author and Renowned ‘SuperWoman’ Coach Dr. Jaime Kulaga Helps Take Women from ‘15 Minutes to Fierce’

               Maria Shriver’s ‘Architect of Change’ Launches New Self-Help Platform and Website for Women Seeking Work-Life Balance


(LOS ANGELES – DEC. 1, 2015) – What if you were told it could take only a fraction of an hour – 15 minutes, in fact – to achieve SuperWoman status in your life?
That is what Dr. Jaime Kulaga, licensed mental health counselor, national media personality, and inspirational author and speaker is committed to helping other women achieve when she introduces her new “15 Minutes to Fierce” digital platform today.
By accessing Dr. Jaime’s newly unveiled website (www.drjaimek.com), the acclaimed architect/creator/originator of the internationally renowned SuperWoman Workshop Series will present weekly “15 Minute to Fierce” webinars that offer women all over the world the opportunity to quickly and easily plug into high-voltage motivation that educates, enlightens and empowers through bite-size video content.
Based off her 2015 bestselling book, The SuperWoman’s Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance, Dr. Jaime’s “15 Minutes to Fierce” platform will give women quick and easily digestible tools to help them begin to achieve a natural balance between their professional careers and personal lives.
For only $15 per webinar, women from anywhere in the world at any time of day can sign in and experience 15-minute SuperWoman coaching that will teach them how to stop struggling with the intense pressure that society places on women for not ‘doing enough,’ step off this psychologically debilitating Ferris wheel of unrealistic expectations, and begin enjoying life again with fulfillment.
Following the inaugural “15 Minutes to Fierce” webinar topic — Prioritizing and Saying ‘No’ — some of the additional upcoming webinar topics to be featured in the series will include: de-stressing during the holidays, putting fire back in your relationships, putting yourself first, starting off the New Year with success, and more.
Says Dr. Jaime, “Remember, kindness does not equal doormat. And, I am here to tell you that it is okay to say no, delegate out and start doing for yourself. With some simple tips and tools the 15 Minutes to Fierce workshops will guide you into having the best of your personal and professional life, while still showing how to give to yourself and make you happy – guilt free! Heck – I use these tips myself, so I know they work!”
As a certified life coach, Dr. Jaime has dedicated herself for more than a decade to coaching individuals, corporate executives and organizations, and counseling couples. As a nationally revered expert in the mental health field and in work-life balance, Dr. Jaime is regularly featured in leading media outlets, including Forbes, Glamour, Self, and Prevention. She also has the honor of being named as one of Maria Shriver’s “Architects of Change,” alongside fellow self-improvement industry heavyweights and New York Times bestselling authors such as Dr. Brene Brown, Dr. Dan Siegel, Gretchen Rubin, and Deepak Chopra.
For more information on Dr. Jaime Kulaga and her “15 Minutes to Fierce” project, visit www.drjaimek.com.
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