Confidence might be all you really need

Again and again, I have written or talked about the importance of confidence. I have entire chapter in my book, Type “S”uperwoman: Finding the Life in Work Life Balance- A Self-Searching Book for Women, dedicated to the importance of confidence.

It is no secret that both men and women benefit from being confident. I am not talking about running your life with ego taking the lead or coming across cocky to those in society. I am talking about confidence in your ability to complete something; the belief that you really can do. I suppose the opposite of self-doubt.  

 

Millions of us set goals about 2 weeks ago, and sadly, only 8% of us will reach them. There are various reasons for not reaching goals, and this year, we are going to avoid the lack of confidence as being a reason to not achieve success.

Undoubtedly, once you become successful, you gain confidence. But, if you are not successful in something, and want to become successful, having confidence in your ability to achieve can sometimes be difficult. However, even when you are up against all odds, you have a chance of being successful if you just believe in your ability.

 

I am going to give you an example in my personal life of how confidence alone can help you achieve:

My son is in the 1^st grade. He has tests once or twice a month. The night before test he gets worried. The nervousness comes from doubt. I know this because I have never once scolded him for his grades, there is nothing “on the line” for him so great that he is fearful of losing something major and there are not many other factors that would contribute to him needing to be nervous at the 1^st grade level.  Before a test, as we drive into school, I talk to him. The conversation goes something like this:

“Wesley”

Yes mom

“You have that math test today, huh?”

Yep (sad face)

“Wesley, you are smart, right?”

Yep

“Say it”

I am smart

“Say it louder, Wesley”

I am smart (he screams it and smiles)

“Wesley, I know you are going to do great, but I want you to know that even if you did super bad on the test, I am not mad.”

I know mom.

“But Wesley, even if you don’t know something on the test, promise mommy that no matter what, you will be confident.”

Ok.

That is about the extent of the conversation. Now, I have said this time and time again for 2 years and never has he received lower than an A on a test. But, even if he did, as long as he promised to me he was confident in his ability, I would support him.

So, the story gets better. Wesley is 7. He golfs at a place where he practices with children 7-14, but the average age is about 12. Last week we were notified that the top 10 children (there are about 20) with the best scores over 3 weeks would get to go to a tournament against another city.

At first, I was a bit frustrated because it is not fair to have the 12, 13 and 14 year olds scores compared to my son’s scores and he is only 7. They clearly have more experience, more understanding of the game and have more physical strength. The older children have an advantage in every way over Wesley. Well, almost every way. Before Wesley went out to play, my husband told him to “make every swing count” and I advised him to be confident in his game, even if the other kids seemed to be doing really well. My last words as I walked away “Wesley, just be confident out there.”

 

Three hours later, practice ended and I arrived to pick him up. Wesley comes running off the golf course screaming “Mommy, mommy, I did what you said, I did what you said.” What the heck did I say?- I was thinking. “Mom, you told me to be confident, and I was.”

Just then, the coach approached my husband to tell him that Wesley was one of the top kids playing and has a great shot at being in the top 10 to compete.

What should you and me learn from my 7 year old…? Even when you are against the odds, and the other guy is better, more experienced, older, wiser, etc. you have a shot. If you don’t believe in yourself, you are not going to get to where you want to be. Sometimes, the only shot you have at winning or achieving is your confidence in your ability to do it.

You must really bring forth your confidence if you are pursuing a goal in which support systems will need to sacrifice to help you along the way. Do not drag people into your dream if you don’t believe in yourself.

But also, do not let fear take over and give you every reason why you cannot complete a goal. Fear will tell you how great the other guy is, how hard the goal is to attain, and challenge your confidence by putting everything about you, down. You can get through the barrier of Fear with confidence.

 

Your challenge this week to be confident is everything you do, big or small. In order to be confident you might find that you will need to stop comparing yourself to others and focus only on yourself. Focus on your abilities, even if you are the 7 year old up against all odds (age, experience, and strength). Confidence is the key to our success this week, and our overall life success.