By Jaime Kulaga
In a world of rush-rush and go-go, it seems like everything we do is a “must.” Many of us find ourselves spinning on this never ending Ferris wheel of the day to day routine with little time to step off and find moments for ourselves and families. While society pushes us to see almost all our day to day tasks as a “must,” the reality is we need to put into perspective what we really define is a ‘must,” and the definition of this is subjective to each one of us.
As we circle the Ferris wheel of life focusing on a bunch of little things that are less important than what our heart and value systems view as truly important, we begin to harbor guilt and feel a drop in self-confidence about our decision making.
I’ve Got A Challenge For You
Creating a list of all the roles that you take on in life will help you to see where you are spending your time and energy. I challenge you to create a list of all the roles you play in life. This list is composed of major life roles like being a spouse, parent and employee, but also roles that keep you on this Ferris wheel of life. Perhaps you will add caregiver, dog walker, PTA president, family CPA, and therapist to Negative Nancy in the office. The average person lists out between 15-20 life roles but can effectively and efficiently only handle five. Also take a look to see
if you have limiting beliefswhich can decrease your confidence in any of these areas.
What Are The Top 5 Roles?
You may be thinking that all 15 roles on your list need to get accomplished. You have to grocery shop—your family needs to eat. And, laundry—the kids need clothes to go to school. Although this is true, it is important that you identify and become aware of the top five most important roles to you. In order to select the top five most important roles in your life, you want to think about who on the list you feel you could not live without, or your life responsibilities would halt if they got sick or hurt. Reflect on who you turn to on a daily basis for support. Think about what supports your household or what things keep you motivated and passionate.
Dedicated Time
Once you have identified these top five people or items on the list, you want to begin giving a good deal of your time to them. This doesn’t mean to drop all your other duties and responsibilities, but rather to give dedicated time to these top life roles when you are with them. For example, if your children were on the list of top five, when you are with them, avoid being with them while also talking on your phone, surfing social media, or doing work on your computer. Sit down on the floor with them and play Thomas the Train. Cuddle them in bed and create funny stories. You don’t have to give them hours of time, but quality time. This is whole, quality not quantity thought. Most children would pick 45 minutes of dedicated time with a parent over 3 hours of being in the same room, but not being acknowledged.
The Result Of Being Out Of Balance
When one top life role is out of balance, there is a decrease in confidence from a major life imbalance. This imbalance rubs off into other less important or less meaningful tasks. For example, if you and your spouse haven’t spent time together in over a week and he/she is upset with you, this imbalance and negativity may rub off into your career or other tasks. This leads to less focus, more errors, and an overall lack of confidence in decision making. However, when you give dedicated time to a top life role, time that they see as valuable, then when you need to step away to do another task, they will be more accepting. Things just seem more balanced. Not only do you walk into your next “must” with less guilt because you know your top life roles were satisfied, but you also walk into the next project with heightened confidence. Confidence in your ability to make decisions and an understanding as to where to channel your time, energy and focus will lead to more overall successes.
The Takeaway
When you’re interacting with your top life roles, be sure you are giving them time they’ll see as valuable. It is understood that in a society of go-go and rush-rush we do our very best to multitask to get it all done, but in some cases, it is best to focus on one person or thing. Now is the time to put into perspective priorities in life and provide those priorities with dedicated time. It is with this understanding and fulfillment of true responsibility that we will increase our confidence within our overall life.
Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D.,
is the author of The SuperWoman’s Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step by Step Strategies to CreateWork-Life Balance. She coaches individuals on a national platform to reach a more productive life. You can find more information here. Mindful Rehabilitation, Facebook, Google+ and her
Top Coach page.
