Tools To Make Your Self-Talk More Positive
Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening. Lisa M Hayes
Who came with up with the slogan sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? They must have been a tree. Words hurt. In fact, sometimes words are more painful than sticks and stones. Words become more painful than sticks and stones when the hurtful words about us, come from us. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but negative self-talk will destroy you. Below are the Top 3 Tools for better Self-Talk.
#1: Rid of the “Have To,” “Must” and “Should” Talk.
Those things that “have to get done” are part of a sabotaging mind habit we created for ourselves. The reality is, a lot of what we do does not “have to” get done, or, if it does, it doesn’t “have to” happen right then and there. Using words like “have,” “must,” “should” and “ought” are words that fill us with guilt and anxiety. Women despise feeling guilty, thus to avoid feelings of guilt, we satisfy the “haves” in our lives before we satisfy ourselves.
Women often do not deem themselves as a “have” or “must” in their own lives, thus everything else is worked on and fulfilled, except them. Despite popular belief, laundry does not HAVE to get done on the weekends. Weekend is a compound word. Week-end. Your week has ended. Use this time to walk away from the “should” and “haves” in your life, and do the things that you really would like to do in Life, like all those things you “missed out on” or “wished you could do.”
#2: Stop Telling Yourself Everything Has to be Perfect.
Perfection is subjective. That is why you should never try to be perfect for anyone or anything. If you spend your life trying to be perfect for someone else, you may find you are never perfect, for you.
Thinking that you have to be perfect at anything in life is not only a barrier to your goals and Life fulfillment, but you have directly set yourself up for failure. Don’t spend your life trying to be something that doesn’t exist. By striving for perfection, your mind and body will go one of two ways:
1. Back down altogether. Your mind and body are smart. If you set a goal for something that is not attainable (such as trying to be perfect) why even try? Your mind and body won’t waste its time and energy trying to strive for something that is unachievable. So, the mind finds excuses and the body will support that.
2. You will attempt your goals with perfection in mind, and then fail (because perfection does not exist). This pattern of attempting and failing lowers our self-esteem and sometimes our desire to set goals at all.
Instead of perfectionism, work toward self-actualization. Self-actualization means to develop your full potential. You are always in the mind-set of growing and developing yourself. It is through striving for self-actualization that you will find Life, Mind and Body fulfillment.
#3: Recognize Life is Not Only Black and White
I get it, you don’t have time. Neither do I. But the reality is, we are both thinking in black and white right now. Working out doesn’t mean 60 minutes or 0; all or nothing. Working out to a ten minute app on your phone in the middle of the kitchen is still some form of exercise. It counts.
We often get stuck on thinking and doing things the same way for so long, that we forget there are so many other ways to make decisions or succeed. If you think you exhausted every possibility, you’re wrong. When you think differently, you open more doors for opportunity, doors you can’t even fathom right now because you just don’t know they even exist. Talk yourself out of the black and white, and into the shades of grey.