Three Ways to Spice up Your Marriage if you Have Young Children

                                Three Ways to Spice up Your Marriage if you Have Young Children

It is not always easy to find time to be sexy or feel sexy when you have spit up running down the back of your shirt and the kiddos just walking in the bathroom while you are trying to go “number 1.” In fact, these are the times when our wardrobe consists of 1 pair of jeans, one dress hidden in the back of the closet (forgot I had that) and 25 pairs of yoga pants and t-shirts. But despite the spit up running down your back, and the kiddos walking in while you do “number 1”, you are still married and need to give to that sector of your life. Not to mention that you deserve to feel sexy and fun again.

While you may not be able to wear lingerie to bed because the kids walk in with nightmares, there are still many things that you can do to spice up your marriage. Here are 3 ways you can spice up your marriage if you have young children around:

1.       Quick sex- fun Sex

The problem

You want that Caribbean. Yes, I know you want to make love for 3 hours on a Caribbean island, but guess what? Little Johnny is screaming in the kitchen because he can’t reach the bowls for cereal and little Timmy is banging on the bathroom door with a toy car, screaming “can I come in.” This is clearly far from the Caribbean setting. Instead of pouting about the lack of palm trees, breeze and  sunshine, take advantage of the situation you do have.

The Fix

Get naked, quick. If you wake up in the morning and you and your spouse know you have 5 minutes before the kids get up, run to the bathroom and do the dirty. Have fun with it. It is spontaneous and you have to be quiet. Plus, it starts off your day with both of you having a little secret and thinking about each other’s bodies instead of just thinking about the day ahead and what is for dinner later that night.

For reflection

Where can you have quick, quiet, fun sex with your spouse? When do you have opportunities for sex and pass them up because you are “tired” or “irritated?” How can you work through those feelings so you can make time for each other intimately?

2.       Be Spontaneous

The Problem:

With children there are a lot of checklists, appointments and structure, and this behavior often rolls into our marriage. But fun and excitement with our spouse isn’t often going to come from  checklists and planned activities.

The Fix

In your marriage try to avoid being so streamlined. Okay, so yes, that sex in the morning bathroom for 2.2 minutes is surely spontaneous, but being spontaneous goes beyond sex. Try to be spontaneous with a lot of things in your marriage in order to spice it up. When the family goes out to get some chores done, on the way home, randomly stop at a new restaurant. If you pass a store, and your spouse says, “want to stop in that place,” instead of rushing to get home, try saying “yeah, let’s do it.” Maybe you and your spouse decide last minute to meet for lunch or meet up at home on lunch break(wink-wink). Try adding in 3 unplanned (big or very small) things into your marriage each week.

For reflection: Can you commit to doing 2 spontaneous things this week with your spouse? How could veering off structure with your spouse end up adding spice into your marriage?

3.       Flirt

The problem

Who has time to flirt? How flirty can one really be while changing a diaper, doing math homework, burning biscuits in the oven and racing to the ER in the middle of the night with a fever and ear infection? Truth is, I’ve done all these things, and it’s really hard to flirt during these times.

The Fix

Realize there is a lot of time in the day, and while helping Timmy with his math homework may not be the time you can flirt, there are other opportunities. Texting sexy or fun things during the day to each other are great ways to flirt. Even while in the living room watching “Disney Junior,” silence your phone and text each other back and forth. Leave each other voicemails. As you walk by each other in the hall or kitchen, touch each other, even if it is just on the shoulder, side of the leg, etc. Wink at each other. High five each other when you stop the flames from the burning biscuits. Being a team is sexy in itself. Cuddle in bed and laugh. Do silly things like tickle each other, play fun tackle and kiss. Kiss. Kiss as much as you can and be present during that kiss, even if it is a quick one.

For reflection: What were some things you and your spouse did before children to flirt? What can you bring back today?

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

TOP 5 WAYS TO LOSE CREDIBILITY

TOP 5 WAYS TO LOSE CREDIBILITY 

As women, we often work very hard to earn credibility, and once earned, it takes skill, confidence and a demonstration of integrity to maintain it. But as long as it takes to earn credibility, sometimes it may only take a moment to lose it. Women encounter many barriers as they move up the chain to success, but we don’t need loss of credibility to be one of those factors.

Here are the Top 5 Ways to Lose Credibility

1.       Say Yes then take back your Yes

As people pleasers by nature, women often tend to say “yes” more than “no.” But if we say yes to taking on a task and then back out we can quickly ruin our credibility. Likewise, if we say yes to taking on a task and then half-ass the task, people’s perceptions of our ability and performance levels change and we lose credibility. 

The Fix

Evaluate and then react. First, create a list of your goals and the strategy you need to put in place in order to accomplish these goals. When asked to take on a role or task, take time to process the request and see if it is in line with your direction. Assess in which ways taking on this task could help you or hurt you. Do the benefits of taking on this task outweigh saying no, or is it more beneficial for you to say no and focus on what is already on your plate? From here, then respond with a yes or no.   

2.       Never be Wrong

We all make mistakes, even credible people, but it is in the way that you handle yourself when you make a mistake that plays a role in credibility. When you place blame on others or find excuses for a situation, you lose credibility and respect from those around you.

The Fix

Own up to your mistakes and immediately follow it with a plan and solution to fix the issue(s). Apologize if needed and be genuine in your apology. Take mindful steps moving forward to not repeat the mistake. 

3.       Keep your Accomplishments a Secret

Just because people see you as a credible source doesn’t mean you stop sharing your successes. By keeping all your hard word quiet, you risk losing credibility more so because of the whole “out of sight out of mind” concept. And, don’t think you are bragging by sharing your accomplishments, sharing your hard work is what will help you advance and continue to enhance your credibility.

The Fix

While you don’t have to race around the office shouting, “Congrats to me, I just answered a phone call and sent off an email” you should share with co-workers and managers goals obtained, major barriers hurdled, and progress or milestones completed within projects. Highlighting your successes in a humble and genuine manner will keep people abreast of your motivation, determination and passion for the company or task at hand.

4.       Take your Time with People’s Concerns

True or false? Now that you have earned your credibility, people don’t have to be as much of a priority as they once were. False! One way to lose credibility is to dismiss people or consistently put people’s needs on the back burner. By dismissing people, not taking care for their concerns, or making people feel like they are not important or needed is a sure fire way to burn bridges and lose credibility.

The Fix 

Be empathetic and understanding at times. Show people that they matter to you whether you are moving up the chain or not. While I encourage you to retreat and take time to process people’s requests before reacting, you can still communicate with people by giving them time frames of when they can expect to hear from you and by acknowledging their requests to some degree. What may not be of concern to you, may be of significant importance to another.

5.       Don’t Practice what you Preach

Once you become a credible source, in order to maintain that credibility, you must do what say. You can’t just tell other people to act or be a certain way and then hold yourself to a different standard. When you don’t practice what you preach you set you integrity and character on the line and when these two factors are compromised so is your credibility.

The Fix

Well, this is an easy answer, practice what you preach.  If you want to keep your credibility, be sure that the tips and advice you share with the world, you heed that advice, too.  

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

Authenticity, Core Values and Balance

Authenticity, Core Values and Balance

Authentic means to be real.  The more authentic you are with yourself, the more fulfillment you feel in life. Not being true to yourself or others keeps you at a consistent imbalance. Living a lie takes energy, time and emotion. In the case where you are not being authentic to yourself, you may find that you are taking on too many life roles and acting like you can manage them. You may be pushing down pain but fronting a smile every day. You may engage in activities that you don’t like in order to gain acceptance or likability. You may be hiding issues regarding hurt, money or love with a partner. 

Living untruthfully to your values or beliefs systems will put the mind and body out of balance. The mind knows what is right, but the body is not acting accordingly.

In the healing and balancing process, authenticity is most important. To gain more self-awareness, you have to know the real you. You have to be open to identifying your faults and what you want to improve on. You have to identify your biases, your grudges and weak spots. The more you are in tune with your core values and imperfections, the more you can identify what is off and how you can get back into balance.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you identify values and note imbalances. Be sure to be authentic as you answer the following:

1.       What are my top 5 core values?

2.       What am I doing in life that I am not happy with? Why?

3.       How do the activities that I am doing in life that I am not happy with out of line with my core values?

4.       How can I stop engaging in these activities or how can I make them in line with my values?

5.       What areas of my life am I living most authentically?

6.       Do I hold grudges?

7.       Can I be vengeful?

8.       To whom can I give more support to?

9.       When do I tend to give up my control? 

10.   What do I try to control that I can’t? How/When can I stop?

This week’s challenge is to answer the above questions. Be authentic and real about your responses so you can see exactly where you are not in line with your core values. As you identify your deficits note the direction you want to start moving in. Then, begin creating a plan to get back in line with your values.    

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

  

MARCH HAPPINESS

MARCH HAPPINESS

There is all this hype about March MADness in the month of, well, March. If you are not familiar with March Madness, it is the College Basketball Association’s tournament of 68 teams competing for a national championship. Sixty eight teams competing against each other, 1 month, and 12,000 games, well, that’s what it feels like if you are the wife of someone who watches the NCAA during this part of the season. It’s sheer, MADness.

However, the 68 teams are all competing for one thing, that feel good moment that they worked so hard for. They spent so much time dedicating a portion of their lives to training their bodies and minds. Physically and mentally they have prepared for this competition and when the final two teams compete, and one wins, fulfillment and happiness takes over for one person, one team and thousands of fans.

This March, you are competing against yourself. You are going to train your mind and body to be healthier and happier than ever before. At this point in the game, odds might be against you. About 40% of people who set New Year’s Resolutions have already quit trying. But this month, you are powering up not gearing down.

Training your mind and body to remain positive even when you feel up against stress, sadness and the cyclicality of life is tough. We have to create a habit of happiness.

Here are your TOP 3 Tips on how to be Happy in March, and all year long: 

1.   Smile and Wave Goodbye to the Toxic People:

Waving goodbye has never made you smile so big. In a world where we face uncontrollable stressors and negativity everyday no matter how happy of a person you are, you must rid of the things or people that are only going to bring you further down. Rid of the toxic people in your life. These are the haters and the hurters. Take control of your happiness by not allowing others to steer your emotions up and down, or steal them altogether. If you can’t completely rid of the negative people, you can definitely set boundaries to minimize your interactions with them. Saying GoodBye means Hello to Happiness.

2.   Take Time to Decide:

The best way to be unhappy is to go around making promises or commitments you can’t live up to, or, if you do live up to them, you dread every moment of it. You get one life, make it a happy one. Don’t over commit to someone else and then under commit to yourself. Your happiness is just as important as everyone else’s, and don’t think otherwise.

When you make an impulsive decision, it is typically based out of intense emotions or with little thought. In most cases, quick decisions are not only poor decisions, but they reduce your control, and even ruin your credibility. 

To create happiness, make a habit of taking time when making both large and small decisions. “Retreat, Rethink, React.” These are your new steps in decision making, in that order.

3.   Forgive

When you hold grudges, possess anger or find yourself always looking backwards, it is hard to move forward. The great thing about forgiveness is you don’t have to feel it, you just do it. And, you are doing it for you, not the other person. If you are angry with someone, your attention and energy is given to them, not you. You can’t control your past, and that can be upsetting sometimes. But you can control your future, and you can drive right up to happiness.    

As you compete against yourself in March, you must dedicate a portion of your life to training your body and mind. This takes time and commitment. Remember that you are competing for one thing, that feel good moment when you notice more days than not, seem brighter. When you notice the win, it not only lies in you, but your family (team) and all those who you interact with (fans) .

This March, turn your Madness into Happiness.  

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

Power Breaks

Power Breaks 

This week’s tip is on taking power breaks. Many times people do not have the time for breaks during the day. Just because we don’t have time for them though doesn’t mean our bodies are not pleading for a break. Sure we all would love a 30 minute break 3 or 4 times per day, but in this life of non-stop, I am well aware that this isn’t likely.

However, what you want to search for are some areas within your life that allow you for quick breaks, but at the same time can rejuvenate you; sort of like that “second wind.” Maybe in the car, you make a pack with yourself that you do not check emails or text. That goes even for stopping at a long red light or sitting in 5 o’clock traffic. Just take driving time to center. It’s okay that with traffic it takes 45 minutes to get home when it should only take you 15. This is your rest time, enjoy it.

Or, you take a few extra bathroom breaks during work. They don’t have to be long breaks, but just walking away from the computer helps. Focus on your breathing as you walk to the bathroom (do not stop to talk to a colleague on the way) and then get in the stall and just relax for a minute.

If you travel a lot for work, I totally understand that on the plane you can get a lot of work done, but take that time to catch up on rest, relaxation or some gossip from a magazine. Perhaps you can set up a little reward system for yourself in that you are allowed to work on the plane ride to your destination, but not back. When at home with the kiddos, maybe set them up with a little activity that is safe, and let them know you will be in the other room for 10 minutes. Walk away from them and go do a quick meditation or whatever will give you that second power up.

Whatever can rejuvenate your body and give it a break from the busyness of the day, do it. It will actually make you more optimistic, positive and productive for the remaining hours of the day. Remember, there is no badge of honor for someone that makes it through the day, week, month or year without a break. BUT, there is a badge for people that have energy and a positive outlook on life, it’s called fulfillment and success.

This week, I challenge you to take one break each day (ranging from 1 minute-whatever you please) and see if it helps bring you back to the busyness a little bit stronger, positive or healthier.

    

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

13 Ways to Reduce Stress

13 Ways to Reduce Stress

Below are 13 different ways that you can choose from to reduce your stress. Which 2 can you use this week? 

1.      Rid of toxic people. Some of the biggest stressors we have in life come from family and friends. As hard as this is, if you want to reduce stress in your life, rid of the Toxic people. Pull out the old journal and write down all the people that are toxic in your life. The bi-polars (these people take you up and down. I love you, I hate you), the criers, the takers, the down-right mean people, the users, the bull-shitters, the gossipers, and the passive aggressives. Circle the ones you know you can get rid of first and erase them like you hit the delete button on your computer. The people who stir up drama in your life will always have drama, bringing you down a slippery slope of trying to manage their stress and your own. Some people say you are what you eat. I say, you are who you associate with. People are typically a combination of the top three to five people they associate with most. Take a moment to reflect on the people you spend most of your time with and reflect on whether or not these people are in line with your goals and values.

2.      Set boundaries. I understand that there are people that you can’t or may not want to rid of that are toxic. Mothers and fathers can sometimes be toxic and very hurtful. With people that are toxic that you choose not to rid of, you must set clear boundaries. Setting boundaries means that you do not enable people to continue hurting you. Kindness ≠ Doormat. If you keep giving and giving to people, they will keep taking and taking. That is human nature; you can’t fault people for that. You can help people, but you do not need to change your schedule and do things that are harmful to you in order to help them. Once you begin working harder to help someone than they are working to help themselves, you are becoming a doormat.

3.      Do not compare yourself. One of the best things that you can do to avoid stress on your journey of life is to not compare yourself to others. When you compare yourself to someone else, you put yourself in a direct line for failure. Every person’s past is different, their biology is different, their circumstances are different and there is a lot you do not know about them in general. You are in control of you and need to take the time and energy to explore who you are before you can rate yourself up against someone else, who in reality, you might really not even want to be. This does not mean that you cannot have role models and mentors. You can admire certain characteristics in people such as their motivation or integrity. You can use certain people’s life paths as a guide to help you. The one thing you cannot do is measure your success against someone else’s scale of life.

4.      Set realistic goals. If you want to reduce your stressors, set goals that are realistic and attainable. Use the acronym SMART when setting goals for yourself- Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Bound. Many times women set goals that are unrealistic- sometimes because we are comparing ourselves to someone else, or maybe just because we are dreaming big. It is okay to dream big, but be sure that each goal you set toward your dreams is something that is realistic and attainable for that moment in your life.

5.      Forgive. Let go of grudges, they hurt only you. Only you live with these negative thoughts every day, no one else. Forgive the past and everyone in it, so you can move forward. You do not have to feel forgiveness, you just do it. You deserve freedom. Remember this, if you drink the poison of anger, don’t expect the bad guy to die.  

6.      Stop Ruminating. Some studies have shown that women are more prone to rumination. Rumination is that thinking we have where we spend hours going over the same thing, again and again. When we face stressors, our brain immediately has memories of when we were in similar situations. The issue with women is that we tend to remember events of where we were wrong or where we messed up. We then spiral our brains down into this self-defeating, self-bashing event where we then “ruminate” for hours on what went wrong. This rumination of “things we have done bad,” becomes a pattern. Patterns get stronger and quicker over time. To reduce stress, catch the negativity before you spending hours ruminating. When you begin to think poorly about yourself or decisions, try to find support for your faulty assumption, usually there is not support for self-defeating thoughts. Then, begin to reframe your negative thinking and challenge these thoughts. Don’t turn one bad decision into a lifetime of bad choices and do not think that one bad decision means that you are bad at “everything,” learn from it and march on.

7.      Do not make impulsive decisions. This goes for breaking up with boyfriends, leaving a job, firing an employee, investing in stock, anything. When women make impulsive decisions, it is typically out of emotion. Making impulsive decisions decreases our confidence because those decisions are not strong and had little thought behind them. Write decisions that you are contemplating in your journal and go back to that entry in a day or two. Re-read what you wrote, does this still sound like a good idea?

8.      Tell a good story. Be cautious how to tell your life story. The more you tell your story, the more your story shapes you in the present. Often, women tell stories about their lives that show the drama that they have gone through. This drama becomes a pattern and habit for a way of living. Drama is stressful. Eliminate your own drama by reframing your life story to show strength, resilience and self-control, the more we tell and retell that story, eventually we become that story.

9.      Realize you are not lucky. You earned what you have. When we feel lucky for all we have, we create an underlying stress because “luck runs out.” However, when you earned something, it is more permanent, decreasing stress. You earned that job promotion, you did not get it out of luck. Once you realize you earned what you have confidence goes up and stress due to fear of luck running out, goes down. 

10.  Surround yourself with positive people. Negativity truly is contagious and stressful. Pessimism alone is actually an internal stressor on the body because it not only turns on our fight and flight response, but it keeps it going for longer periods of time. Pessimists tend to think that there is a limited amount of things they can do to change a situation and thus sit in negativity longer than an optimist. Stay away from pessimists and reframe your negativity so that people who are positive want to be around you.

11.  Worry once, not twice. Do not live the same pain twice, especially if the pain might be unnecessary. If you create anxiety and tell yourself that something might go wrong, and then you in fact it goes wrong, then you lived the pain twice. Once before you knew if the situation was going to end badly and then once after you found out. If you tell yourself that something might go wrong, and then you in fact it does not go wrong, you lived the pain initially for no reason. This goes for everything in life. Do not stress out until it’s time to stress.

12.  Realize that you are not perfect. Perfection is non-existent. People who claim that they are perfectionists often don’t find fulfillment in life. Likewise, when a perfectionist does fail, they are very critical of themselves leading to self-defeating beliefs and a reduction in confidence. The enormous amount of stress a person puts on themselves as they work toward being perfect is damaging to the body physiologically and psychologically. Those trying to seek perfection will only cycle at the point in life they are at, whereas those who acknowledge flaws can find ways to fix them and move forward toward developing their full potential.

13.  Distract yourself. Lastly, when you are faced with stressors, distract yourself with something you both enjoy and that is healthy for your body: exercise, journaling, painting, listening to music. Find ways to beef up your energy so that as you begin to take on stressors you do so with the least amount of stress possible.

 

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

The SuperWoman's Guide To Super Fulfillment

Why Positive Thinking Works

Why Positive Thinking Works

Positive thinking does create positive outcomes. But not everyone believes that. Some people think positive outcomes are only dictated based on how much effort you put into something. And, while effort counts, how great of an outcome can you have if you think miserably along the journey to that outcome? Some people think positive thinking is a “trendy thing” and that the truth is, “whatever is meant to be will be.” And while destiny, fate, etc. can be something to believe in, you must realize that your mind and the energy you give off impacts that destiny. And then, you just have cynical people that always find the bad in situations or play devil’s advocate way too much. Well, that is their prerogative, don’t feed into it and stay away from them.

If you want more positive outcomes in your life, you do have to think positive. Positive thinking steers your course into a positive outcome. Here are 3 ways positive thinking leads you toward a positive outcome:

1.       Positive Thinking Builds Confidence.  

When you think positively you think positive about what is around you. You see the good in life and in people. You trust in yourself and your resources. This process builds confidence.  As you see the strength and goodness of your world and yourself, you are more apt to take healthy risks. Instead of letting fear stop you from huge dreams and goals, you are able to believe in yourself and take leaps toward goals. You know that if you hit a barrier, you can hurdle it or those around you will help you hurdle it, and that builds confidence. Confidence is what you need to take risks and risks often lead to positive outcomes, like success.

2.       Positive Thinking makes you See More Resources.

Happy and positive people see what they do have, and that goes for their resources, too. Those who think limitedly, are cynical or fail to see the positive in situations often miss resources that are right around them. They often close their mind to their community and those around them who want to help. You may often hear them use the statement “I always do everything myself.” This is a very powerful black and white comment. This type of thinking shuts down a lot of amazingness right around them. Instead, the positive minded person looks at the resources they do have even if they are limited. They will work harder to find resources in the community that could support them. Resources will help you gain momentum, stay your course, and help you hurdle barriers. All things that will lead to a positive outcome.

3.       Positive Thinking Keeps You Open-Minded.

Positive people have open minds. They listen to others, not just give their two cents.  This gives insight into what people desire, what questions they should ask and alternate points of view. They try to see life through different perspectives. By opening your mind, you see more answers, opportunities and ways to live your life fully. More opportunities, more insights and more fulfillment create more positive outcomes. 

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

The SuperWoman's Guide To Super Fulfillment

3 Ways Being a Perfectionist Can Hurt Your Success at Work

3 Ways Being a Perfectionist Can Hurt Your Success at Work

Perfection is subjective. That means, whatever is perfect to me, might not be perfect to you and so on and so forth. Thinking that you have to be perfect at anything in life is not only a barrier to your goals and life fulfillment, but you have directly set yourself up for failure as you spend your days chasing something that doesn’t exist. Having a perfection mindset for yourself and your life has its repercussions and can hinder your success in the workforce.

Here are 3 ways that Perfection hinders success at work and the Fix to overcome this Barrier:

Perfection decreases confidence

As you set out to chase something that does not exist you will find that there are many more failures than successes. Highlighting all the times you almost completed a project “perfectly” isn’t as confidence boosting as “I nailed it!” Your perceptions and self-talk play a huge role in the level of confidence you have and maintain on a day to day basis.

Often, a perfectionist will complete a project and right before it is about to be completed, they tweak it again and again. Nothing is good enough. When the time limit of a task has been met, a perfectionist will find that multiple people compliment them on their work, but they don’t feel that it was “their best.”

When you don’t take time to absorb your successes, you are missing an opportunity to build your confidence. Confidence is what you need to hurdle to the next level of your career, what you need to take healthy risks on bigger more meaningful projects, and to speak up in meetings, interviews, and leadership roles.

The Fix: During projects, talk nice to yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes, and then get back on track. When projects are completed, before jumping on the next bandwagon of to-do’s, celebrate your successes. You can celebrate by sharing in your success with others who compliment you, with loved ones outside of work or even in your journal quietly to yourself. In fact, I encourage clients to keep a journal of their successes so they can reflect on how much they have achieved year after year.

Perfection burns bridges

Perfectionists often hold the world accountable to this faulty mindset, not just themselves. In the workforce you may find that you don’t often delegate tasks out because “Tom doesn’t do it as well as I do”, or “It’ll just be quicker if I do it.” People notice this behavior. When you give off the perception that only you do things well, you show a certain character side of yourself that many people (co-workers and bosses) may not like. In addition, your support lines at work may not want to assist you when you really end up needing them because they will fear that if they don’t do a task as “perfectly as you,” it will upset you. So, they either avoid you altogether or refuse when you ask for help.

The Fix:

Believe in your team. They may have some very creative or insightful ways of doing something that you never thought of. This new found open mind may generate new doors for you and your team on production, efficiency and bonding. Also, use supports and resources. As perfectionists, we get in a habit of portraying that we can do everything and do it well. But the truth is, this is exhausting and not always true. Instead, begin creating a new reputation today of someone that isn’t to prideful or perfect to ask for help.

Perfection keeps too much on your plate

As we discussed, a perfectionist often holds the world accountable to this mindset, too. Thus before we know it, as we hoard all the tasks because “no one does it like me” we find ourselves with a bunch a to-do’s on our plate. These tasks are often tedious, minuscule or not on path with our goals and bigger dreams. So, if you want to add something major to your agenda that would make you shine, you can’t put that on your plate because it is consumed with a bunch of littler roles. Should a perfectionist finally succumb to delegating out the smaller tasks, they end up turning into the ever hated, micro manager!

The Fix: Create a list of your goals, direction and dreams in your career. What tasks are currently on your plate that significantly align with that bigger goal? Reflect on what you can delegate out, and do that ASAP. Now, assess what roles or projects you should add on to your plate in order to shine, build credibility, or demonstrate leadership. What you end up choosing to delegate out, be sure that you don’t leap into the micromanager role. Instead, set checkpoint dates to discuss progress and goals.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives. 

Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment. 

The SuperWoman's Guide To Super Fulfillment