Monday, September 14, 2015

4 Reasons Pity Parties Suck…The Life Out of Your Success.

4 Reasons Pity Parties Suck…The Life Out of Your Success.

“It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to.” These are the famous lyrics of Lesley Gore. And Lesley can sing this lyrics all day because she was singing to the tune of success. But there is a difference between singing these lyrics and living by them. If you find yourself throwing a pity party every time you hit a bump or get trapped by another hurdle you are going to hinder your success and happiness. It is time to pop your black balloons, take down your dark streamers and realize it is time to refocus your energy and end this party. Instead, switch your focus to problem solving and seeing challenges as opportunities. Here are the 4 Reasons Pity Parties Suck…the Life out of your Success. 

You are focusing your energy on the wrong thing
It takes time to throw a party. There is so much time and energy involved in planning, hosting and cleaning up. And, while you are planning your own pity party and spending your time and energy on ruminating, dwelling and feeling depressed, life is moving on. How will you move forward toward the better things in life, the things that will make you feel successful and happy if you are pity partying your life away?

Tip: After a barrier or problem has presented itself, give yourself a good 24 hours, 48 if you really want, to party down with your black balloons. But, after the 24-48 hour mark, pop the balloons, rip the streamers down and jump back on the bandwagon of life before it passes you by.  It is at this point in which you will turn your attention and energy on how to hurdle the barrier or solve the problem.

You lose supports
Who wants to come to a boring party? Not me, and probably not even you. So why are you throwing this type of party? Positive people like to be around positive people- that’s indeed why they are positive. It’s a waste of a positive person’s energy being around someone who is trying to stir up drama or talk about how horrible their life is. No one wants to be around that. In addition, you ruin your credibility at these parties. People are going to think that you have “too much going on” or that you have to “clean up your mess” before they can give you another opportunity; an opportunity that you might lead to success.

Tip: The truth is, people like to see you helping yourself. In fact, that is when most people will come to your rescue. So, when a barrier presents itself, show the world ways in which you are still pushing forward. And, when you speak to others about your problem, reframe your negative stories into ones that show your resilience and persistence.  

You get stuck in the past
If a barrier hits today and you sulk for a week you are bringing the past (a few days is still the past) into the here and now. As you listen to “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to” for the 803rd time, you may begin to notice several opportunities passing you by. You may have missed a few social gatherings, a call from a friend, a good day at work, and, well simply all the beauty that presents itself each day. As the goodness in life slips by you, you may find yourself ruminating about what has gone wrong, thus bringing that pain or barrier of the past to this moment. This is the moment that could provide resolution and clarity if you would open your mind and step out of the past.

Tip: Do not bring the past to the present. Leave it where it belongs. If you don’t like the problems of the past, don’t bring them here. If you want solutions, then take this moment to begin problem solving. If you don’t like the barriers that the past gave you, knock them down today. Take the resources and tools you have in the here and now create a better day, month, year, life.

You lose control
Feel lost or out of control in your life? Perhaps you have been pity partying for too long. Take your control back from the past, problems and barriers. These aspects to life try to rip away your control to make you feel stuck, stagnant, stumped and sad. The more you party your days away the more you brainwash yourself into thinking things can’t be fixed or worked on. As you pity yourself again and again you begin creating a habit of this dwelling behavior and low mood. This type of habit could lead to depression, anxiety or an unfulfilling life.

Tip: Start by acknowledging that you do have control in the first place. You can continue your pity party or end it, now. Take back your control by enjoying what you already have. Sure there are barriers and problems in front of you, but there are also a lot of other things in front of you, too. You have worked, tried effortlessly and probably even prayed for almost everything around you at this very moment. Start enjoying it. There are probably people in your life that would love more time with you. Go enjoy them. Stop the madness of this never ending pity party and go enjoy the people and things that you already have. Take control back by starting a new path, a new beginning or new direction today. Take control back by focusing on your ability to create your tomorrow.

Challenge: Today I challenge you to NOT RSVP to your Pity Party.

 Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker. She is the author of "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance." She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance.