Lower Your Expectations
Yes, you should have high expectations for yourself and future. Shoot for big goals and expect that you will achieve them. Same goes for relationships. Make sure that you are treated right by those around you, and never settle for abuse or someone demeaning and not supporting you.
That being said, there are times that you should lower your expectations, and one of them is when you are planning an event. Whether it is a wedding, a date with a new or old partner, a party, etc., do not expect perfect.
Yes, I get it. Something like a wedding should be the best time of your life. And, it can be the best time of your life- this is different from the “perfect day.” Perfect sets an instant expectation to the way things should go. When you focus so heavily on a certain moment being the absolute best, chances are you are going to be let down. You are going to sit through the event thinking “I could have done this better.” “Why did he react like that?” “That wasn’t the way I planned this.” “Don’t they see how much work went into this?” “This has got to get better.” There will be a slew of things that go off in your head that diminish the moment of the event. You are spending your energy on the wrong thing. You make the moment less than perfect by expecting perfect because you are focused on the expectation and not the event itself.
The more you plan, the more you want everything to go perfectly. But perfect does not exist- it is subjective. And, sometimes we plan something and try to make it perfect by what we think someone else’s definition of perfect is. Uh! Moral of the story, it is true, nothing ever goes as planned. Things might go a bit as planned, but we have to leave some space in our perfect plan, for life. Accept and allow for life to happen in your planning. Spontaneity or going with the flow often allows for some of the most amazing experiences in life to occur. Think about some of the most fun or hilarious moments in your life. Did you plan them perfectly or did life happen to create those moments itself?
So, while I understand date night and a wedding have to be planned, remember that it doesn’t have to be “perfectly planned.” Lower your expectation from perfect to nicely planned with a dab of spontaneity.
Reflection: What in your life do you try to plan “perfectly,” that is not going “as planned?” How can you let life take the reins a little bit more?
Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker. She is the author of "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance." She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com