Dr. Kulaga's Blog: February 2015

Monday, February 23, 2015

On Mondays, Energize and Euthanize

On Mondays, Energize and Euthanize

Sometimes the rough days are really rough. What makes things tougher is when your week starts off on the wrong foot. Mondays have always been known as a tough day because Mondays, at times, have the ability to make or break your week. We shouldn’t let this be the case, but Monday does set the tone for the week. We need to make sure then that we are mentally and physically prepared for Mondays, and that we use our ability to change perceptions if need be. In other words, if Monday morning serves us a nasty looking menu, we can’t let it give us food poisoning for the next five days.

At a meeting a few weeks back General Horst was speaking on the importance of energizing and euthanizing certain aspects to your business, and I began to implement this theory into other parts of life. So, if your Monday has stepped off on the wrong foot this week, I challenge you to do two things, energize and euthanize. Your goal here is to energize yourself and the little itty-bits of happy thoughts you might have on this tough morning. Then, euthanize the all or nothing and negative types of thinking.

Energize:

In order to energize yourself, focus on shifting your negative mindset to a healthier one. Know that a bad attitude can last 5 days and there is no reason that your tomorrow should suffer for the works of today. Focus on what is going right and how things could be worse. I know at times it can be hard to see that anything is going right, especially on a rough morning, but think about even the smallest of things and start energizing those thoughts. You can also focus on your goals for the week and what you originally wanted to accomplish. Know that you still have the rest of Monday and the entire to week to get yourself in line and headed toward that goal. It is not too late to have a great week. Also, today, more than ever, stay focused so that you feel accomplished. This will give you a boost of confidence. And, stay away from toxic or negative people who will spiral your Monday down even more. Last, eat. Be sure to eat healthy foods today as greasy or processed foods can also play a major role in spiraling your mood down or making you extra sleepy.

Euthanize:

First and foremost rid of your stubbornness. When a few bad things happen on Monday morning, it really has a way of putting us into the stubborn zone that we can’t get out of. We want to repeat the events and ruminate about what is wrong and why it went wrong. This ruminating and repeating of events is only hurting us and is going to ruin the remainder of the day and possibly the week. Step out of the stubborn zone and be open to energizing yourself.

Also, work to euthanize the all or nothing thinking. You may be thinking that the entire week is going to be rough now that XYZ happened or that you just won’t be able to get back on track at all now, but know that this is not the case. By changing your mind and euthanizing bad thoughts you will get your week on track and maybe double the good you initially projected for.

Further, it is important to get rid of your negative thoughts and rumination because you are going to bring others around you down, and that isn’t fair. Why should those you love suffer because you aren’t willing to get out of this rut? Your brain also likes to be right, so if you try and hunt down reasons why you are going to have a bad week, then you are going to find those reasons. So, be sure to euthanize the negative thinking, negative self-talk, and the hunt for all things bad.

The difference between those who do really well in this world and those who struggle is that those who do well know that they will hit rough patches, and often on Mondays, but accept it and create a plan to work through it. Those who have it rough dwell on the negative events and let it ruin their weeks. This week’s challenge: if you are off to a rough Monday, change the course of your week through energizing or euthanizing.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker. She is the author of "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance." She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Monday, February 16, 2015

Relationships are Rewards Not Solutions

Relationships are Rewards Not Solutions

Often when we are in a rut or feeling blue, we firmly believe that the solution to most of our problems is a good relationship with someone. This person would love us, care for us, and share happy moments with us. As wonderful as all of this sounds, a relationship with someone is not going to take away your problems or negative feelings, only you can do that. And, if you depend on someone to take away your problems for you, the relationship isn’t going to have a strong foundation and you might quickly find yourself alone once more. As a consequence you may find yourself internalizing these losses as something that is wrong with you, spiraling down your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Instead, stop giving others so much control to make you feel better and reassume that control yourself. So many individuals come to my office with the goal of meeting a partner and soon realize that the strategy has nothing to do with finding a mate. Rather we focus on getting their minds and bodies right and soon thereafter somehow, someway they find themselves having met someone.

The reward for getting your mind and body right is a relationship, the relationship is not the solution. When you find that your anger, resentment, depression and low self-esteem have gone away, you emit a different light, you hold yourself a bit more confidently, and consequently you attract new people and new opportunities that will fulfill your life for the right reasons.

Monday, February 9, 2015

This is Your Brain, This is Your Brain on AutoPilot

Our brain takes on a lot of different situations, tasks and information each and every day. In order to take in some new information that might take some skill to learn, our mind allows us to use autopilot for tasks that are more of a habit or that we are very familiar with. According to Keeley (1994), when we first take in information our brain processes it under the novel circuit. Once we grasp the concept, our brain hands the information over to a second circuit that manages learned tasks. When a tasks is learned it requires less attention and activity than previous. This allows our brain to free up space for new incoming content.

Have you ever showered, and did not think about showering. You were showering and thinking about your plan for the day, the past weekend, or anything else but showering. Then you get step out of the bath and realize you completely showered with barely any focus on it at all. Your brain switched to auto pilot. Here is another example of when your brain use auto pilot. Lets say you drive the same way to work each day. You come off street X and turn to street Y, never taking street Z. But, you now have plans to attend a speaking engagement and you know that you must take street Z to arrive there. As you drive you will have to stay very aware that you do not continue on street Y and that you force yourself to turn on street Z. When your mind goes on autopilot it will do what it always does and if you need to interrupt the typical flow, you will have to work to take yourself off autopilot.

Your brain works to save energy for you and helps you to take in new information by using its autopilot. However, it is also important when doing the same day in and day out tasks that you be sure that your brain allows you to enjoy moments, be present with family, and observe all that you have to be grateful for each day. Often we get caught up in the autopilot of life, and when sitting at dinner with the family, we are silently recapping the day or planning the next, not hearing what our child is saying at the table or your spouse mentioned about his/her day.

This week, as your brain automatically switches itself to autopilot, make sure that you have some control over its choices and decisions by being present when it matters most.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Certified Life Coach, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker. She is the author of the upcoming book "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance," to be published in March 2015. She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Monday, February 2, 2015

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: What to Assess When Your Mood is Low

If you are noticing a dip in your mood, there are a variety of things that you can look at and try to work on. Perhaps you are eating more fast food, not working out, have hormonal changes, are taking certain medications, or are hanging out with negative people. All these factors will contribute to a dip in your mood. However, there are other factors that play a role in mood that require you to be honest and open with yourself. It is not always easy fessing up to having a pessimistic outlook, acknowledging that you enjoy throwing yourself a pity party, or becoming aware of the fact that you feel you have lost direction in your life. Although these areas are not easy to examine, the reality is that they are necessary to look at in order to be true to yourself, find fulfillment, and get that pep in your mood back. Here are 3 areas in your life you can assess when your notice a mood drop:

1. Check your Attitude

A dip in mood could mean a dip in the way that you are seeing your world. With the hectic-ness of life it is easy to slip into negative thinking at times. But it is also important to catch the bout of pessimism and work through it. In order to work through a negative mood you have to start looking at more of what you do have as opposed to all the things you don’t have. Being grateful and aware of all things that you have earned, received and been given is what makes our life fulfilling and upbeat. The more you focus on what you have the more you begin to feel positive about life. You will also notice more opportunities, supports and friendships as you refocus your vision. When checking on your attitude look to see if your focus is more on what you do have or what you don’t have.

2. Note Your Ability to be Resilient

Resilience is the ability to bounce back up after life tries to knock you down. If you are noticing that the bouncing back is more like falling and staying down, perhaps your level of resilience is low. While we should all be grateful for each day, the reality is life also delivers trials that don’t go unnoticed. When the trials build up and we do not have some sort of release for the stress that builds, we begin to lack the energy (or resilience) to bounce back up after we are hit. In order to increase your resilience, take stressors off your plate. Sit back and look at what is weighing you down in life that you no longer need to carry. Then, take that off your back so you are freer to bounce back when you get knocked down.

To build up your resilience, you can also stay ahead of your challenges. Reflect on some major barriers that could potentially lie ahead of new projects or goals and put a basic plan into place to be prepared for those barriers. This does not mean to let fear rule you as you think about every little detail that could go wrong, but it does mean acknowledging that barriers arise and you can prepare become adaptable and flexible in order to overcome those challenges.

3. Evaluate Your Passion

One of the hardest times in life is when you realize that you have lost a spark. That spark is often referred to as passion and sometimes we lose it in our personal or professional lives. It can be hard reflecting on life at missed opportunities or regrets. But focusing your time on opportunities that you have missed puts your focus in the past. The past is in a time you cannot get back and thus it distracts you from the opportunities in the present. Opportunities are around you each day. In fact, every problem is an opportunity. Opportunities spark passion.

When you have lost passion in your life you may find that you come to two roads. The first road allows you to work to re-spark up passion. Take this time to review or clarify your visions in life or business. Reflecting on why you started a mission or goal and taking a moment to look back at all the hardships you have already made it through might empower you to keep pushing with desire and renewed passion. Rekindling your passion will boost your self-esteem, creative side and generate a whole bunch of happiness.

The second road you may face when you have lost your passion is the road of brand new beginnings. Instead of dwelling on time lost for something that did not work out, channel that energy into working on new passions. Going back to the start line is sometimes the biggest step forward you could ever take. For many people they lose passion in their careers, and do not leave their jobs. If you choose not to leave a situation in your life where passion no longer exists, be sure to search for outside of work passions like taking up certain sports, hobbies or activities that will create passion once more in your life. Creating passion in one sector of your life will rub off in others and give your mood an overall boost.