Be More Realistic

 

Today’s tip is on being more realistic.

Fear becomes a pattern and habit. Fear can become a way of life. Fear may be the underlying essence or barrier to fulfillment. When it comes to women, we tend to fear feelings of guilt or loss of something. How different would our lives or perspectives in decision making be if we did not fear losing something; losing likability, a lover, a friend, respect, our job, children, etc.?

When it comes to business, according to Joanna Barsh and Susie Cranston, authors of How Remarkable Women Lead, fear drives women to set an extremely high bar of standards that would stop anyone speaking up in a position. Plus, they say that women tend to overestimate their potential for unhappiness in situations and thus this inhibits us from trying new things.

Okay, so, women set a crazy high bar of standards when it comes to almost everything we do, which deters us to begin with, but then we support that even more by telling ourselves that if we take a leap and fail, our unhappiness will even be more unhappy than we would actually be….? Whew! Man we self-sabotage ourselves sometimes!

I suppose it all goes back to one essence, fear. You can knock down your fears when you set more realistic expectations in life, love and business. If you want to try something new or speak up, and you find that fear is telling you how unhappy you will be if you fail or you find yourself setting crazy high expectations; here is where I want you to do:

Examine some similar past decisions you have made, some of which you succeeded at, and some you failed at.  Then begin to determine whether or not the unhappiness was as bad as you thought it was going to be when you actually did fail and also determine if the expectations you had once created actually needed to be that high. A reflection of your past experiences will help create a more realistic perception of your future.

 

This week, be more realistic with yourself so that you can create new opportunities.    

SPEAK UP!

 

This week’s tip is on speaking up. In most cases, if you ask for what you want in an appropriate manner, people are going to say yes. Successful people ask for what they want. This concept seems very simplistic, but really, that’s all that there is to it. Just ask.

The problem with speaking up lies in the fact that many people fear rejection so much, that they would rather stay where they are at, rather than ask, and risk getting told “no.” My theory is, if you ask someone for something and they say “no,” you are in the same spot that you are today. There is not too much to lose except maybe a little ego. It’s worth the risk, because they could say yes.

 

If you don’t speak up about things, people think that you don’t care or you are not interested in the tasks at hand. You may be over looked for promotional opportunities, even if you are the highest performing, just because you never speak up and ask for what you want. Be seen and be heard.

You may be scared that you don’t know how you would handle a promotion, or maybe you think you are not ready, but I’m telling you, that is your lack of confidence in yourself and fear of failure talking. Forget them. Speak up, ask for what you want, and if you get what you want, you have proven time and time again you build your wings on the way down and land gracefully. Take the risk.

 

And remember, if you choose not to speak up, don’t blame anyone else for things always being “the same” or that things “will never change.” You have the control.

This week’s challenge is to speak up for what you want in your personal and business life. This could positively change your level of fulfillment and happiness greatly.

Stress Eliminator #2- NO IMPULSIVE DECISIONS

 

Last week we began our journey of minimizing stressors in our lives. Instead of eliminating a ton of stress habits all at once, we are going to take our time working to minimize one stress habit at a time.

Last week our focus was on worry. We worked hard to only worry when it was “go time.” There is no need to worry before an event, b/c something bad might not happen, thus you worried for no reason. But, if the event does go poorly, than you worried twice, once unnecessarily.

So, this week’s stress minimizer is…Drum roll please…….

 

 

Do not make impulsive decisions.

This goes for breaking up with boy/girlfriends, leaving a job, firing an employee, investing in stock, anything. When people make impulsive decisions, it is typically out of emotion. Making impulsive decisions decreases our confidence because those decisions are not strong and had little thought behind them.

And, even if you are in a good mood, if you quickly say “yes” to something that you do not really want to do, now you have to suffer for many days to come- doing things you don’t want to do and taking time away from the stuff you do want to do. Double negative right there.

Instead of making impulsive decisions, write decisions that you are contemplating in your journal and go back to that entry in a day or two. Re-read what you wrote, does this still sound like a good idea?

 

The best method in decision making is actually quite simplistic:            Retreat, Rethink, React- in that order.