Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Need a Boost in Confidence? Identify your Top Life Roles

Article as seen on Forbes.com

Need a Boost in Confidence? Identify your Top Life Roles

By Jaime Kulaga

In a world of rush-rush and go-go, it seems like everything we do is a “must.” Many of us find ourselves spinning on this never ending Ferris wheel of the day to day routine with little time to step off and find moments for ourselves and families. While society pushes us to see almost all our day to day tasks as a “must,” the reality is we need to put into perspective what we really define is a ‘must,” and the definition of this is subjective to each one of us.

As we circle the Ferris wheel of life focusing on a bunch of little things that are less important than what our heart and value systems view as truly important, we begin to harbor guilt and feel a drop in self-confidence about our decision making.

I’ve Got A Challenge For You

Creating a list of all the roles that you take on in life will help you to see where you are spending your time and energy. I challenge you to create a list of all the roles you play in life. This list is composed of major life roles like being a spouse, parent and employee, but also roles that keep you on this Ferris wheel of life. Perhaps you will add caregiver, dog walker, PTA president, family CPA, and therapist to Negative Nancy in the office. The average person lists out between 15-20 life roles but can effectively and efficiently only handle five. Also take a look to see if you have limiting beliefswhich can decrease your confidence in any of these areas.

What Are The Top 5 Roles?

You may be thinking that all 15 roles on your list need to get accomplished. You have to grocery shop—your family needs to eat. And, laundry—the kids need clothes to go to school. Although this is true, it is important that you identify and become aware of the top five most important roles to you. In order to select the top five most important roles in your life, you want to think about who on the list you feel you could not live without, or your life responsibilities would halt if they got sick or hurt. Reflect on who you turn to on a daily basis for support. Think about what supports your household or what things keep you motivated and passionate.

Dedicated Time

Once you have identified these top five people or items on the list, you want to begin giving a good deal of your time to them. This doesn’t mean to drop all your other duties and responsibilities, but rather to give dedicated time to these top life roles when you are with them. For example, if your children were on the list of top five, when you are with them, avoid being with them while also talking on your phone, surfing social media, or doing work on your computer. Sit down on the floor with them and play Thomas the Train. Cuddle them in bed and create funny stories. You don’t have to give them hours of time, but quality time. This is whole, quality not quantity thought. Most children would pick 45 minutes of dedicated time with a parent over 3 hours of being in the same room, but not being acknowledged.

The Result Of Being Out Of Balance

When one top life role is out of balance, there is a decrease in confidence from a major life imbalance. This imbalance rubs off into other less important or less meaningful tasks. For example, if you and your spouse haven’t spent time together in over a week and he/she is upset with you, this imbalance and negativity may rub off into your career or other tasks. This leads to less focus, more errors, and an overall lack of confidence in decision making. However, when you give dedicated time to a top life role, time that they see as valuable, then when you need to step away to do another task, they will be more accepting. Things just seem more balanced. Not only do you walk into your next “must” with less guilt because you know your top life roles were satisfied, but you also walk into the next project with heightened confidence. Confidence in your ability to make decisions and an understanding as to where to channel your time, energy and focus will lead to more overall successes.

The Takeaway

When you’re interacting with your top life roles, be sure you are giving them time they’ll see as valuable. It is understood that in a society of go-go and rush-rush we do our very best to multitask to get it all done, but in some cases, it is best to focus on one person or thing. Now is the time to put into perspective priorities in life and provide those priorities with dedicated time. It is with this understanding and fulfillment of true responsibility that we will increase our confidence within our overall life.

Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D., is the author of The SuperWoman’s Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step by Step Strategies to CreateWork-Life Balance. She coaches individuals on a national platform to reach a more productive life. You can find more information here. Mindful Rehabilitation, Facebook, Google+ and her Top Coach page.

NYC PICS

I thought I would share some of the photos from NYC yesterday at my Barnes & Noble Upper West Side book reading and signing. Getting up on that stage to read from my book and speak about it was breathtaking. I can not tell you enough that I now believe dreams come true. I always knew they did, I've lived it and encouraged others to as well, but now I can really show the world that anything is possible- and I hope you get inspiration in knowing you can live your dreams if you are persistent.

I hope that if you are reading this you will believe me that if you just keep knocking on doors and you don't take it personal when some people shut the door right in your face, you will get everything you ever dreamed of and more. So many times we let others shut the door of dreams for us. Instead, take control back and just go find another door to knock on. Be inspired about what you can create if you just keep knocking.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker. She is the author of "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance." She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Monday, June 22, 2015

BOOK SIGNING TOUR DATES AND A BEAUTIFUL SUPERWOMAN

So, The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment has been on a Book Signing Tour. Check out this beautiful SuperWoman at 101 years young! -Bradenton, Fl.

Upcoming Tour Dates:
Barnes and Noble June 27 @ 9 AM 213 N Dale Mabry Hwy,Tampa, FL 33609 Map It
Books a Million June 28 @ 2 PM 1520 Towne Center DrLakeland, FL 33803 Map it
Books A Million July 11 @ 11 AM 1700 W International Speedway Blvd Daytona Beach FL Map it
Books A Million July 18 @ 11 AM 6591 S Tamiami Trail Sarasota FL 34231 Map it
Books A Million July 25 @ 12 1825 Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte FL 33948 Map it
Barnes and Noble August 1 @ 12 PM 152 Miracle Miles Coral Gables FL 33134 Map it
Books A Million Sawgrass Mall August 1 @ 5 PM 12801 W Sunrise Blvd # 297 Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33323 Map it
Barnes and Noble Santa Monica August 14 @ 12 PM 1201 3rd St.Santa Monica, CA 90401 Map it
Books A Million Ridge Mall Chicago September 18 @ 5 PM 444 Chicago Ridge Mall F-10 Chicago Ridge, IL 60415 Map it

Monday, May 4, 2015

Lower Your Expectations

Lower Your Expectations

Yes, you should have high expectations for yourself and future. Shoot for big goals and expect that you will achieve them. Same goes for relationships. Make sure that you are treated right by those around you, and never settle for abuse or someone demeaning and not supporting you.

That being said, there are times that you should lower your expectations, and one of them is when you are planning an event. Whether it is a wedding, a date with a new or old partner, a party, etc., do not expect perfect.

Yes, I get it. Something like a wedding should be the best time of your life. And, it can be the best time of your life- this is different from the “perfect day.” Perfect sets an instant expectation to the way things should go. When you focus so heavily on a certain moment being the absolute best, chances are you are going to be let down. You are going to sit through the event thinking “I could have done this better.” “Why did he react like that?” “That wasn’t the way I planned this.” “Don’t they see how much work went into this?” “This has got to get better.” There will be a slew of things that go off in your head that diminish the moment of the event. You are spending your energy on the wrong thing. You make the moment less than perfect by expecting perfect because you are focused on the expectation and not the event itself.

The more you plan, the more you want everything to go perfectly. But perfect does not exist- it is subjective. And, sometimes we plan something and try to make it perfect by what we think someone else’s definition of perfect is. Uh! Moral of the story, it is true, nothing ever goes as planned. Things might go a bit as planned, but we have to leave some space in our perfect plan, for life. Accept and allow for life to happen in your planning. Spontaneity or going with the flow often allows for some of the most amazing experiences in life to occur. Think about some of the most fun or hilarious moments in your life. Did you plan them perfectly or did life happen to create those moments itself?

So, while I understand date night and a wedding have to be planned, remember that it doesn’t have to be “perfectly planned.” Lower your expectation from perfect to nicely planned with a dab of spontaneity.

Reflection: What in your life do you try to plan “perfectly,” that is not going “as planned?” How can you let life take the reins a little bit more?

Monday, April 13, 2015

How to Improve Willpower

How to Improve Willpower

Willpower is the ability to control yourself. Willpower is a certain level of inner strength. It can be associated with determination or even motivation. Willpower is what you use when you want to go out with friends but don’t so that you can study. Willpower is what you use when you choose not to pick up a cigarette when you are trying to stop smoking. Willpower is how much power you have over yourself. Take a moment to reflect on what aspects of your life you maintain strong willpower in. Now, take a moment to reflect on aspects of your life in which you have limited willpower. Why do you think that is? What about this area of your life are you not as strong, determined, motivated or in control? Here are a few ways that you can begin to increase your willpower in those areas.

3 ways to Improve your Willpower

Take personal responsibility.

By placing ownership for things we are not coming through on, off on something or someone else, we give the control over our decisions where it should not be going. Willpower requires control of yourself, if you are handing it over to another person or thing, you will never have enough willpower to change or complete what you are trying to do.

Tip: Begin increasing willpower by taking full responsibility for decisions and actions that you take. In return you will see both your willpower and discipline rise.

Watch your Self Talk

By watching how you talk to yourself as you make decisions you are reinforcing your personal responsibility and freedom as a person. But just as important, the way you talk to yourself has an influence over your confidence and inner strength. When you lack confidence and inner strength, you will notice that your willpower goes down. If you are consistently talking down to yourself, you decrease the level of key factors that can boost your willpower. The stronger you feel about yourself, the more inner strength you will have to make decisions that are in your best interest.

Tip: Increase willpower by talking kindly to yourself.

Define your Purpose

In business you have to have a 3 and 5 year plan. Why? Because it gives you and those around you a direction and a vision. You must have a purpose in each choice that you make for your company so that it moves in the direction of your goals. You need this same plan in life. Create weekly, monthly and yearly goals or plans for yourself, and put them in a place where you can see these goals each day. Then, each time you make a choice, be sure that it is in line with your purpose and direction. If you know why you are here in this world and if you understand where you desire to go, then your willpower and control over your choices will be stronger.

Tip: Take time to reflect on your purpose in life. Create goals and plans for your future and take these into account with each decision you make.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Going Beyond the Minimum Due

Going Beyond the Minimum Due

So often in life we find ourselves “just getting by.” The mere fact that we survived the day checking off our to-do list makes us feel accomplished. But at the same time when we only doing what is expected of us or what is on the daily to-do list, we find ourselves living life very cyclically. We don’t give ourselves new “to-do’s” because we are so busy with the regular “to-do’s” and thus we deter ourselves from other opportunities that could boost our confidence or create even more happiness for us.

When we just do enough to “get by” we are cheating ourselves.

Take for example a student in school. The assignment calls for a 3 page paper on some topic in psychology. She completes the assignment at 9pm the night before it is due. She gets it done. She feels she “got over on this one.” Or, the co-worker who does his job duties, but never is willing to take on an extra project because it isn’t something he “has” to do.

Both these scenarios have one thing in common. A person who is getting done what is “expected” of them and has a reason why they can’t or won’t go above that ceiling. An expectation provides a minimum due, if you will. But, doing what is expected doesn’t always lead to fulfillment and happiness. So, while you feel you may have “one upped” the professor or the boss, you actually cheated yourself.

While the girl in school did get her assignment done on time, she waited until the last minute and thus doesn’t have time to read additional research that could steer her future career field into something even more exciting that she had never heard about. Going beyond in her assignments may help her to achieve a higher honor roll and consequently get scholarships or peak the interest of her professor in offering her a study aboard opportunity that could lead her to more doors once she graduates.

The co-worker who does what he is supposed to and never puts himself in a position where he can head up a group project and show his leadership skills is also cheating himself at times. By showing off his leadership skills he might find that he boosts his own confidence which in turn helps him grow in other areas of his life. Going above what is expected of him might peak the interest of a boss who offers him a raise or promotional opportunity that trickles into his family life in a positive way.

The reality is, doing what is expected will get you by.

But if you want more than a cyclical life, more than someone who checks off the same to-do’s and “gets by” you have to do more than the bare minimum. Whoever you aspire to be someday will require you to go beyond the minimum due.