Stop Exaggerating!

 

 When we exaggerate, we are making things bigger than they actually are, and thus we increase our anxieties, panic and lack of focus on what is happening or potential solutions.

For example, if you forgot to jump on that conference call at work, instead of telling yourself “I’m fired” over and over again, and then ruminate on “where will I find a job? No one is hiring. I have to pay rent next week!,” come back to reality, and acknowledge what is more likely to happen: “I will get an email or called into the office and advised not to miss a meeting again.” Maybe you will get written up, but probably not fired. Stop exaggerating.  

Take a moment to reflect on when you exaggerate. Typically when we do something, in this case exaggerate; we do it in more than one area of our lives. Think about how you exaggerate at work, on the phone with friends, when you go out with others, etc.

 

When you complained of the rush hour this morning, did you tell people you were stuck in it for “literally an hour,” but really it was 15 minutes? Has your computer really been frozen “all morning” or did it go out twice for 30 seconds? Does everyone “hate you” or is one person upset with you?

This week, tune into your exaggeration on big and little things and then bring yourself down to a more realistic ground of what is happening. This will help reduce anxieties, panic and frustration. It will also help you to be more clear minded about solutions and moving forward.

 

This St. Patty’s Day, be UN-lucky

 

Happy St Patrick’s Day!

Although I think turning the lake green is really cool, and, yes, I was that kid who looked on the ground for four leaf clovers back in the day, I must say today’s approach to St. Patty’s Day is going to be different from the norm.

 

Today, I want you to forget all the LUCK. You don’t have it. Now, I know what you are thinking, “Jaime, you have taken all the fun out of this day!” But I am saying “No, I made today even better!”

How so?

One thing I have learned from experience and reading is that we are not lucky. We worked really hard for what we have. We earned it. The problem with luck is that it runs out. BUT, when you earn something, it is much harder to lose.

 

If you earned something, you won’t “jinx” it. It is solid. That concept gives us confidence, hope and motivation. In fact, if you are aware that you have earned something, you are going to work even harder in the future because you don’t want to easily give up what you have put so much effort and time into.

This week’s challenge is to realize that you earned what you have. Build your confidence and self-worth. It was not by luck of the draw that you got where you are, you worked hard for that!

 

This St. Patty’s Day, be UN-lucky.

 

TAKE A BREAK!

 

This week’s tip is on taking power breaks. Many times people do not have the time for breaks during the day. Just because we don’t have time for them though doesn’t mean our bodies are not pleading for a break. Sure we all would love a 30 minute break 3 or 4 times per day, but in this life of non-stop, I am well aware that this isn’t likely.

 

However, what you want to search for are some areas within your life that allow you for quick breaks, but at the same time can rejuvenate you; sort of like that “second wind.” Maybe in the car, you make a pack with yourself that you do not check emails or text. That goes even for stopping at a long red light or sitting in 5 o’clock traffic. Just take driving time to center. It’s okay that with traffic it takes 45 minutes to get home when it should only take you 15. This is your rest time, enjoy it.

Or, you take a few extra bathroom breaks during work. They don’t have to be long breaks, but just walking away from the computer helps. Focus on your breathing as you walk to the bathroom (do not stop to talk to a colleague on the way) and then get in the stall and just relax for a minute.

 

If you travel a lot for work, I totally understand that on the plane you can get a lot of work done, but take that time to catch up on rest, relaxation or some gossip from a magazine. Perhaps you can set up a little reward system for yourself in that you are allowed to work on the plane ride to your destination, but not back. When at home with the kiddos, maybe set them up with a little activity that is safe, and let them know you will be in the other room for 10 minutes. Walk away from them and go do a quick meditation or whatever will give you that second power up.

 

Whatever can rejuvenate your body and give it a break from the busyness of the day, do it. It will actually make you more optimistic, positive and productive for the remaining hours of the day. Remember, there is no badge of honor for someone that makes it through the day, week, month or year without a break. BUT, there is a badge for people that have energy and a positive outlook on life, it’s called fulfillment and success.

 

This week, I challenge you to take one break each day (ranging from 1 minute-whatever you please) and see if it helps bring you back to the busyness a little bit stronger, positive or more healthy.

HURRY UP AND BE PATIENT!

 

HURRY UP AND BE PATIENT!

 

As I was heading into the office this morning I began to think about what might be a strong focus for the tip of the week. I couldn’t particularly think of what I wanted to say for today- then the heavens stopped me and told me the answer. No! Literally, I was stopped!

BY A TRAIN! A 30 minute train that was so slow, that for 10 of the 30 minutes it did not move at all. It was stopped. I was looking around, huffing and puffing, throwing up my hands and I might have even sworn. Do you know how much all this negative energy I was emitting moved me forward towards the office? ZERO.  A big fat 0!

No matter how impatient, angry and pouty I was, I moved up nothing. In fact, I was getting so upset that this barrier was in my way, that I actually tried to turn around at one point and go backwards. Going backwards would have only taken my further from my office. I let my own impatience get to me so badly that I would have went backwards, away from my goal. Not a good way to start out the week.

So, I thought, “Ah ha, this is my sign. Patience is what I will not only educate on today, but I will also let this be a focus for me this week, too.”

I began to relax and make do with what I had. I answered a few emails, wrote down some ideas I had for the tip of the week and uploaded some positive inspirations to Facebook while at this standstill.

 

Although I was late to my office this morning, I know that being personally self-aware of my patience this week will save me time, money and energy. The more impatient I am the worse decisions I will make, like going backwards. Going backwards is a waste of time and money. Often impatience creates anger which is a waste of energy.

This entire week’s goal came to me as I worked to reframe a negative situation.

This week’s goal is to be conscious of how impatient you are being. Self-check in traffic, when you are explaining something to someone, when your computer is taking forever to load, etc. A lot of our daily negativity comes from being impatient about a bunch of little things. Consistently be aware of your patience this week and work to make the best of the situation and/or find another way to get to the outcome.  

 

Be More Realistic

 

Today’s tip is on being more realistic.

Fear becomes a pattern and habit. Fear can become a way of life. Fear may be the underlying essence or barrier to fulfillment. When it comes to women, we tend to fear feelings of guilt or loss of something. How different would our lives or perspectives in decision making be if we did not fear losing something; losing likability, a lover, a friend, respect, our job, children, etc.?

When it comes to business, according to Joanna Barsh and Susie Cranston, authors of How Remarkable Women Lead, fear drives women to set an extremely high bar of standards that would stop anyone speaking up in a position. Plus, they say that women tend to overestimate their potential for unhappiness in situations and thus this inhibits us from trying new things.

Okay, so, women set a crazy high bar of standards when it comes to almost everything we do, which deters us to begin with, but then we support that even more by telling ourselves that if we take a leap and fail, our unhappiness will even be more unhappy than we would actually be….? Whew! Man we self-sabotage ourselves sometimes!

I suppose it all goes back to one essence, fear. You can knock down your fears when you set more realistic expectations in life, love and business. If you want to try something new or speak up, and you find that fear is telling you how unhappy you will be if you fail or you find yourself setting crazy high expectations; here is where I want you to do:

Examine some similar past decisions you have made, some of which you succeeded at, and some you failed at.  Then begin to determine whether or not the unhappiness was as bad as you thought it was going to be when you actually did fail and also determine if the expectations you had once created actually needed to be that high. A reflection of your past experiences will help create a more realistic perception of your future.

 

This week, be more realistic with yourself so that you can create new opportunities.    

SPEAK UP!

 

This week’s tip is on speaking up. In most cases, if you ask for what you want in an appropriate manner, people are going to say yes. Successful people ask for what they want. This concept seems very simplistic, but really, that’s all that there is to it. Just ask.

The problem with speaking up lies in the fact that many people fear rejection so much, that they would rather stay where they are at, rather than ask, and risk getting told “no.” My theory is, if you ask someone for something and they say “no,” you are in the same spot that you are today. There is not too much to lose except maybe a little ego. It’s worth the risk, because they could say yes.

 

If you don’t speak up about things, people think that you don’t care or you are not interested in the tasks at hand. You may be over looked for promotional opportunities, even if you are the highest performing, just because you never speak up and ask for what you want. Be seen and be heard.

You may be scared that you don’t know how you would handle a promotion, or maybe you think you are not ready, but I’m telling you, that is your lack of confidence in yourself and fear of failure talking. Forget them. Speak up, ask for what you want, and if you get what you want, you have proven time and time again you build your wings on the way down and land gracefully. Take the risk.

 

And remember, if you choose not to speak up, don’t blame anyone else for things always being “the same” or that things “will never change.” You have the control.

This week’s challenge is to speak up for what you want in your personal and business life. This could positively change your level of fulfillment and happiness greatly.

Stress Eliminator #2- NO IMPULSIVE DECISIONS

 

Last week we began our journey of minimizing stressors in our lives. Instead of eliminating a ton of stress habits all at once, we are going to take our time working to minimize one stress habit at a time.

Last week our focus was on worry. We worked hard to only worry when it was “go time.” There is no need to worry before an event, b/c something bad might not happen, thus you worried for no reason. But, if the event does go poorly, than you worried twice, once unnecessarily.

So, this week’s stress minimizer is…Drum roll please…….

 

 

Do not make impulsive decisions.

This goes for breaking up with boy/girlfriends, leaving a job, firing an employee, investing in stock, anything. When people make impulsive decisions, it is typically out of emotion. Making impulsive decisions decreases our confidence because those decisions are not strong and had little thought behind them.

And, even if you are in a good mood, if you quickly say “yes” to something that you do not really want to do, now you have to suffer for many days to come- doing things you don’t want to do and taking time away from the stuff you do want to do. Double negative right there.

Instead of making impulsive decisions, write decisions that you are contemplating in your journal and go back to that entry in a day or two. Re-read what you wrote, does this still sound like a good idea?

 

The best method in decision making is actually quite simplistic:            Retreat, Rethink, React- in that order.