Three Ways to Spice up Your Marriage if you Have Young
Children
It is not always easy to find time to be sexy or feel sexy
when you have spit up running down the back of your shirt and the kiddos just
walking in the bathroom while you are trying to go “number 1.” In fact, these
are the times when our wardrobe consists of 1 pair of jeans, one dress hidden
in the back of the closet (forgot I had that) and 25 pairs of yoga pants and
t-shirts. But despite the spit up running down your back, and the kiddos
walking in while you do “number 1”, you are still married and need to give to
that sector of your life. Not to mention that you deserve to feel sexy and fun
again.
While you may not be able to wear lingerie to bed because
the kids walk in with nightmares, there are still many things that you can do
to spice up your marriage. Here are 3 ways you can spice up your marriage if
you have young children around:
1.
Quick sex- fun Sex
The problem
You want that Caribbean. Yes, I
know you want to make love for 3 hours on a Caribbean island, but guess what?
Little Johnny is screaming in the kitchen because he can’t reach the bowls for
cereal and little Timmy is banging on the bathroom door with a toy car,
screaming “can I come in.” This is clearly far from the Caribbean setting. Instead
of pouting about the lack of palm trees, breeze and sunshine, take advantage of the situation you
do have.
The Fix
Get naked, quick. If you wake up
in the morning and you and your spouse know you have 5 minutes before the kids
get up, run to the bathroom and do the dirty. Have fun with it. It is spontaneous
and you have to be quiet. Plus, it starts off your day with both of you having
a little secret and thinking about each other’s bodies instead of just thinking
about the day ahead and what is for dinner later that night.
For reflection
Where can you have quick, quiet, fun
sex with your spouse? When do you have opportunities for sex and pass them up because
you are “tired” or “irritated?” How can you work through those feelings so you
can make time for each other intimately?
2.
Be Spontaneous
The Problem:
With children there are a lot of checklists,
appointments and structure, and this behavior often rolls into our marriage.
But fun and excitement with our spouse isn’t often going to come from checklists and planned activities.
The Fix
In your marriage try to avoid being so streamlined.
Okay, so yes, that sex in the morning bathroom for 2.2 minutes is surely
spontaneous, but being spontaneous goes beyond sex. Try to be spontaneous with
a lot of things in your marriage in order to spice it up. When the family goes
out to get some chores done, on the way home, randomly stop at a new restaurant.
If you pass a store, and your spouse says, “want to stop in that place,”
instead of rushing to get home, try saying “yeah, let’s do it.” Maybe you and
your spouse decide last minute to meet for lunch or meet up at home on lunch
break(wink-wink). Try adding in 3 unplanned (big or very small) things into
your marriage each week.
For reflection: Can you commit to doing 2
spontaneous things this week with your spouse? How could veering off structure with
your spouse end up adding spice into your marriage?
3.
Flirt
The problem
Who has time to flirt? How flirty can one
really be while changing a diaper, doing math homework, burning biscuits in the
oven and racing to the ER in the middle of the night with a fever and ear
infection? Truth is, I’ve done all these things, and it’s really hard to flirt
during these times.
The Fix
Realize there is a lot of time in the day,
and while helping Timmy with his math homework may not be the time you can
flirt, there are other opportunities. Texting sexy or fun things during the day
to each other are great ways to flirt. Even while in the living room watching “Disney
Junior,” silence your phone and text each other back and forth. Leave each
other voicemails. As you walk by each other in the hall or kitchen, touch each
other, even if it is just on the shoulder, side of the leg, etc. Wink at each
other. High five each other when you stop the flames from the burning biscuits.
Being a team is sexy in itself. Cuddle in bed and laugh. Do silly things like tickle
each other, play fun tackle and kiss. Kiss. Kiss as much as you can and be
present during that kiss, even if it is a quick one.
For reflection: What were some things you
and your spouse did before children to flirt? What can you bring back today?
Dr. Jaime Kulaga understands the complexities of women’s lives and helps to increase their self-awareness and self-esteem. She is the advocate of the under-appreciated, over-worked and un-fulfilled woman, dedicated to greatly improving and creating a gratifying, enjoyable life... rather than an unfulfilling existence. As the Author and Founder of the SuperWoman’s Guide to Fulfillment, Dr. Jaime has taught and worked with hundreds of women empowering them to discover their own greatness, and in turn, create a loving and gratifying environment for all those in their lives.
Through teaching at the University level, coaching and counseling individuals, couples, and businesses, she educates women, men and families to make better lifestyle decisions, steer the course of their lives, and use practical tools for deeper fulfillment and happiness.Dr. Jaime is a frequent mental health expert on TV and radio and has been featured on Forbes.com, on Maria Shriver's blog, and in Glamour, Self, and Prevention magazines for her expertise in work-life balance and life fulfillment.
